What do you think of Chivalry or guys that are Chivalrous?

[athwart]

What about foot rubs? Where does that fall in the chivalry universe?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Those are good points, Sophia.

It's weird because the most modern woman I ever met and dated was back in 1992. Ha! She was the ONLY one who ever offered to buy lunch or who pursued me, etc.

Do you remember how I made the point about not wanting to be indebted to a man who paid for dinner? Want to know where I got it? I got it from a psych book I read, wherein doctors who accepted small gifts from a pharmaceutical company were more likely to feel indebted and thus push that specific pharmaceutical companys drugs.

It's a psychological trick.

Now, I don't think I'd want to pay for an entire meal but I probably might ask if I could pay for my half, or my movie ticket, or whatever.

I think it also might prevent the man from feeling resentment towards me if I decided I didn't like him and didn't want to go on another date with him. He wouldn't have to think "oh, I paid for everything and she just took my money." etc.

So, he still might feel the sting of rejection, but wouldn't think of me as a gold-digger.

I also think because of my physical disability, that, unlike nilla, who could probably take down a man with a hand tied behind her back, I probably can't physically defend myself that well no matter how many self-defense courses I take. So, maybe I might go for a guy that would be willing to physically protect me.

However, I don't think I'd go for a provider. I mean if he makes more money than me, okay, fine but I want to make sure, that if I choose the wrong guy, and he turns into an abusive person, that I would have the financial wherewithal to get the heck out of dodge. I'm not willing to place myself in a situation where I can't financially support myself if I needed to. I know that maybe because of my disability that finding jobs might be harder for me, but I'm just going to have to push myself harder than most people in this regard.

Do those things have to do with chivalry? I don't know. They're something that I need to consider though when dating guys.

 

[Cosmo]

If a woman bought me flowers I'd consider her a good catch. And really I don't care for flowers much, but it's the sentiment behind it. If, however, she expects me to stop acting gentlemanly now and then that's, frankly, not going to happen. Courtesy and affectionate gestures on BOTH sides feels more right to me. I'm a little tired of the lopsidedness.

Like on valentine's day this year when I got her flowers, a hand-made card, chocolate bars, and a little necklace from Tiffany's. I got a thank you... and then later verbal abuse. I did the gentlemanly courtesy of not dumping her on valentine's day but by that time next week we we over already. I didn't do the things I did because I expected something in return, I just... hoped... I'd be considered worthwhile enough for some sort of gesture. Didn't happen. Hardly EVER has happened. Not even sure why I bother sometimes.

 

[SophiaGrace]

What about foot rubs? Where does that fall in the chivalry universe?

I don't know.

---

If a woman bought me flowers I'd consider her a good catch. And really I don't care for flowers much, but it's the sentiment behind it. If, however, she expects me to stop acting gentlemanly now and then that's, frankly, not going to happen. Courtesy and affectionate gestures on BOTH sides feels more right to me. I'm a little tired of the lopsidedness.

Like on valentine's day this year when I got her flowers, a hand-made card, chocolate bars, and a little necklace from Tiffany's. I got a thank you... and then later verbal abuse. I did the gentlemanly courtesy of not dumping her on valentine's day but by that time next week we we over already. I didn't do the things I did because I expected something in return, I just... hoped... I'd be considered worthwhile enough for some sort of gesture. Didn't happen. Hardly EVER has happened. Not even sure why I bother sometimes.

Hm, I don't think I'd verbally abuse a guy for that. That's just mean.

I might feel a bit uncomfortable, but I wouldn't be mean to him for it. =l

Maybe I just don't know how to graciously accept gifts.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

If a woman bought me flowers I'd consider her a good catch. And really I don't care for flowers much, but it's the sentiment behind it. If, however, she expects me to stop acting gentlemanly now and then that's, frankly, not going to happen. Courtesy and affectionate gestures on BOTH sides feels more right to me. I'm a little tired of the lopsidedness.

Like on valentine's day this year when I got her flowers, a hand-made card, chocolate bars, and a little necklace from Tiffany's. I got a thank you... and then later verbal abuse. I did the gentlemanly courtesy of not dumping her on valentine's day but by that time next week we we over already. I didn't do the things I did because I expected something in return, I just... hoped... I'd be considered worthwhile enough for some sort of gesture. Didn't happen. Hardly EVER has happened. Not even sure why I bother sometimes.

Well in regards to Valentine's day I often feel like buying gifts of any kind is kind of silly.
Not to say I don't like chocolate when it's super cheap (chocolate may be the quickest way to MY heart, at least, ), but I see Valentine's day as not only a marketing opportunity for restaurants, choclatiers, jewelry stores, movie theatres, toyshops, amusement parks, and many other companies, but it's also WAY too much pressure than I care to deal with.

If a guy really liked me, he'd take the time to appreciate me year-round, not just on a single day. I wouldn't pressure him into making that one day special, because every day should feel special being with him.
That doesn't mean to go out to lavish places or receive gifts all the time (in fact - the less, the better). Just being couch potatoes for a weekend and hanging around the house is more fun.

However, if he decided to go out of his way and get me a Valentine's Day gift, I'd be happy for it regardless of what it is. That, to me, is not chivalry, but it's loving and generous.

And on a side note - why can't women give gifts to their boyfriends on V-day as well? Why is it only concentrated on what the girls receive (I already know why, but still...)?
Women generally get much more expensive gifts than men on their birthdays and on Christmas/Chanukkah/etc., etc. and while some also believe it's unimportant, MANY feel underappreciated if their gift is less than $200.

I don't think gift-giving (even flowers) falls under chivalry or even something that a man should take care to do at all. That kind of thing is something that comes from your heart and should only happen when you feel you'd like to purchase that person a gift.
I wouldn't judge a man's character based upon whether I get a flower boquet before a date (well, I may think getting one a bit cheesy, which can be cute or annoying depending on whether or not he's actually a good guy or a bullshitter).

 

[Cosmo]

Well I mean don't get me wrong. This was all an aside. Gift giving has nothing to do with chivalry. But someone brought up a guy getting flowers and it set me off. Sorry. >.<

And as far as expressing yourself at other times I agree and had been doing just that. Regularly. And I had given her a pass on doing anything for me on Valentine's day too because I sensed she was uncomfortable trying to come up with something to do for me. Not like I ever gotten much anyway on that day from anyone but... well... I didn't expect to have something like that happen was all. Maybe I deserved it. I dunno.

Anyway enough of my drama crap. On to chivalrous things.

*dresses in shining armor. Charges at windmills!*

 

[Limlim]

No worries bunny! There is a valentines day for men as well, it happens the next month on March 14th!

http://www.steakandbjday.com/

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

LOL

 

[SophiaGrace]

Limlim you're great. <3

 

[Sci-Fi]

Uh...Limlim....it's March 23rd

 

[VanillaCreme]

Uh...Limlim....it's March 23rd

Just let him have his dream... He ain't hurtin' no one.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I would but when I first saw that I was like DAMN! Then I realized the date and I was like damn SO NOW I MUST CRUSH DREAM!!!

LOL

 

[Limlim]

Er, the next month meaning exactly a month after valentines day. Not a month from now.

 

[Cosmo]

Random Fact: In Japan, Valentine's Day is the day when women get the men they like something and white day (March 14th) is the day when the men get the women something.

 

[Callie]

Nice try, Sci-Fi...lol

 

[SophiaGrace]

Er, the next month meaning exactly a month after valentines day. Not a month from now.

AFTER we get married?

 

[Kenny]

Valentine's Day is for women.

Sweetest Day is especially for guys.

Unfortunately I haven't been given anything on Sweetest Day for over a decade.

 

[PaperDuck87]

I think Chivalry depends on the point of views and the times. Like I've told others before people's values change with the times. For me I think Chivalry is dead...I say this because really the girls I've spoken to before always dated the pricks. While guys like me get pushed aside and ignored. It's not about who is nice and a gentleman towards women and I think it's ******* sad and disgusting for women to be that ******* immature and date pricks who care more about getting some *** then getting to know the girl for who she is and enjoying her company. Don't get me wrong I LOVE sex like every other guy..but there is more to life than being a man-whore just to get your kicks.

There are some people on here that give good advice and there are those that give the most shittiest and ****** up advice. I won't say who but I'm sure everyone knows who I'm talking about. I'm sorry if it comes off rude but I think there are alot of unfair **** going on and because one discusses or talks about it...they should be avoided like the plague. But if a woman protests to something thats sexist then oh...everyone should take their feelings into consideration. Make no mistake, I'm not talking about all women in general...but damn it...most of them are hypocrites...then again...I cannot talk and the next man cannot ***** or moan neither...everyone's a hypocrite...but should it be an excuse to do what they do anyways? No. I don't think so. Anyways, theres no point in complaining about it even further...its not like anything will be resolved from this with the entire female population...but it could give humanity a bit of hope. Right? Maybe I took it too far....maybe...I dunno. This is just how I feel I guess.

 

[nerdygirl]

I also think because of my physical disability, that, unlike nilla, who could probably take down a man with a hand tied behind her back, I probably can't physically defend myself that well no matter how many self-defense courses I take. So, maybe I might go for a guy that would be willing to physically protect me.

Woah, woah, woah. I don't mind the notion of wanting to be with a man who can and will protect you, but that's something separate from stating you can't defend yourself. I've never really considered you as "disabled". You can walk around, so you can kick. You can play instruments, write, and use ASL, so you can punch. As long as you tell yourself that you cannot do it, your mind is your disability.

http://www.defenseability.com/
http://martialartistwithdisabilities.blogspot.com/

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[Sci-Fi]

As long as you tell yourself that you cannot do it, your mind is your disability.

Good one, I like that. Needs to be QFT!