What's a painful truth you've had to swallow?

[TheSkaFish]

Ska, you really tire me out. Not the length of your posts, the content of them. I’ve not read anyone else on here that creates as many hurdles for themselves as you. Your assumptions that everyone else seems to just know how to “life” Is ridiculous. If you used the same amount of energy and talent you use to compile your expressive posts to get somewhere in your daily life, I think you’d be onto something positive. Dude, I really think you’ve got it in you, you just have to refocus your energy. Do a “summer of George” and do the opposite of what you’d normally do every day. 2024 could be so different for you if you let it.

I'm sorry if my posts have a negative effect on you.

It really has always felt, like other people seem to naturally get how to "life" and I don't, though.
I've always felt this, from kindergarten to present day.
Other people seemed to be dialed in to something I was oblivious to, not connected to.
They seemed to have strengths, traits, interests and instincts that I lacked, that made life easier for them.
I really have always felt like I was missing something inherent, that a lot of other people seem to take for granted.
I don't know if it is biological, or the result of my background, or what.

I've defaulted to complaining, being angry and in despair, out of feeling powerless, ineffectual, and unlucky, pretty much since kindergarten. It's almost become like a "high", like a source of relief. I just felt like I didn't have "it", the thing others have that lets them coast through life like a hot knife through butter. Or so it looked to me. People around me didn't seem like they had to put any conscious effort into their lives, what they think, say, or do. It always seemed like they just "were", and I just "wasn't".

I always got pissed off about being blamed for having difficulties in life, the same way I got pissed off for being blamed for not being "cool"/"popular" - I felt like I was being blamed for something that wasn't a choice, but was just the way I was naturally. Not saying I feel like you're doing this, by the way.

I mean, I'm getting more self-aware of these patterns, the more I look back.
And I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I refocused my energy like you said.
I don't know, I never tried it. I always assumed I was a lost cause, because if I wasn't, I'd be more like the people that seemed to naturally know how to "life".

But thank you for the vote of confidence in me. Most times that is more than I've given myself.
I was tempted to give you a for the "summer of George".

I hope 2024 will be my year too.

 

[user 135671]

nm

 

[ringwood]

I'm sorry if my posts have a negative effect on you.

It really has always felt, like other people seem to naturally get how to "life" and I don't, though.
I've always felt this, from kindergarten to present day.
Other people seemed to be dialed in to something I was oblivious to, not connected to.
They seemed to have strengths, traits, interests and instincts that I lacked, that made life easier for them.
I really have always felt like I was missing something inherent, that a lot of other people seem to take for granted.
I don't know if it is biological, or the result of my background, or what.

I've defaulted to complaining, being angry and in despair, out of feeling powerless, ineffectual, and unlucky, pretty much since kindergarten. It's almost become like a "high", like a source of relief. I just felt like I didn't have "it", the thing others have that lets them coast through life like a hot knife through butter. Or so it looked to me. People around me didn't seem like they had to put any conscious effort into their lives, what they think, say, or do. It always seemed like they just "were", and I just "wasn't".

I always got pissed off about being blamed for having difficulties in life, the same way I got pissed off for being blamed for not being "cool"/"popular" - I felt like I was being blamed for something that wasn't a choice, but was just the way I was naturally. Not saying I feel like you're doing this, by the way.

I mean, I'm getting more self-aware of these patterns, the more I look back.
And I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I refocused my energy like you said.
I don't know, I never tried it. I always assumed I was a lost cause, because if I wasn't, I'd be more like the people that seemed to naturally know how to "life".

But thank you for the vote of confidence in me. Most times that is more than I've given myself.
I was tempted to give you a for the "summer of George".

I hope 2024 will be my year too.

Just want to add that I echo OkiDoke’s sentiments 100% and I think on a couple of occasions, I’ve expressed similar thoughts. Of all the people here, I know you could accomplish great things if you just change the mindset and refocus.

 

[BeyondShy]

I think with the military, you have to know what you're getting into, so you can mentally prepare.
Otherwise, it could break you.

I did well in the military because the main thing I did was shut my mouth. Since I do not talk a lot as it is that was easy for me. They want people who will shut up and listen and take instructions on learning how to do everything their way. They do not want comedians or a know-it-all.

Don't get me wrong. As soon as I landed off the plane I along with everyone else were screamed at and it did not stop for eight weeks. I got used to it and what they wanted done. That is when I began to do well.

 

[okidoke]

I'm sorry if my posts have a negative effect on you.

Not really negative effect on me, just tiring lol

It really has always felt, like other people seem to naturally get how to "life" and I don't, though.

But they, we, don't. That's just a feeling you have, for some reason.

I've defaulted to complaining, being angry and in despair, out of feeling powerless, ineffectual, and unlucky, pretty much since kindergarten. It's almost become like a "high", like a source of relief. I just felt like I didn't have "it", the thing others have that lets them coast through life like a hot knife through butter. Or so it looked to me. People around me didn't seem like they had to put any conscious effort into their lives, what they think, say, or do. It always seemed like they just "were", and I just "wasn't".

I understand that Ska. I do. Many people feel like that. Everyone is different, with different abilities, skills, experience, torments, hurdles, afflictions, etc etc. Many people haven't even made it to your age, so you've succeeded even in that little achievement. You're not stupid, you can learn things, and with practice you can get better at things. You just have to decide what things you want to excel in, and be motivated enough to try.

I got pissed off for being blamed for not being "cool"/"popular"

I don't even understand this. Who was blaming you for not being cool? You mean others were accusing you of not joining in or something? That's just a dumb cohort you were surrounded by. That doesn't even exist as a thing in different places. Society says we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but when we have a good look at the lives that others lead in various places around the globe, we begin to realise how superficial, privileged and fortunate we are.

And I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I refocused my energy like you said. I don't know, I never tried it. I always assumed I was a lost cause, because if I wasn't, I'd be more like the people that seemed to naturally know how to "life".

Well, you either keep on the same track that's making you miserable, or.................................

But thank you for the vote of confidence in me. Most times that is more than I've given myself.

We are our worst critics Ska. I'm very hard on myself most of the time. Much of what I say to you I can take onboard myself.


You have value Ska. Just start living your life before you get too old and debilitated.

 

[Abstamyous]

I mean, I'm getting more self-aware of these patterns, the more I look back.
And I do sometimes wonder what would happen if I refocused my energy like you said.
I don't know, I never tried it. I always assumed I was a lost cause, because if I wasn't, I'd be more like the people that seemed to naturally know how to "life".

I would like to come here someday and find out you refocused your energy willingly. Unfortunately, for the majority of people (at least that I've come to know over the years), that doesn't happen. Most people just get to a point where they are uncomfortable, even fall on really hard times, and then the change happens. It's not really about having mental toughness, though. That's something that forms a long the journey. What you need is a commitment to your life and to your soul, to actively do the work to move forward. Think of life as an infinite ladder, just something you continually work to climb. There can always be more, as long as you keep going.

I know you will probably think "I am uncomfortable with my life" but I fear you've gotten comfortable being the "lost cause".

I have the opinion that is incredibly unpopular with folks around our age.... I believe you should go get a minimum wage, mundane job and start paying a bill or two. And in three months, I guarantee you will have convinced yourself that you should continue to pay for your own place. And once you make that move forward, you will be hungry to survive on your own. Please. do this before something like a tragedy falls on your family, and you really get stuck.

 

[Abstamyous]

And Ska, your changes will never be comfortable. It's going to feel like you're doing a lot of catch up. Just don't let that brick of concrete on your chest continue to hold you back.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

I suppose for myself, the painful truth I had to accept, is that I'm not going to get a woman interested in me just by existing, which happens to most people I know.

People I know can just show up to work somewhere, and within a couple of weeks they'll have a date with a co-worker. They can show up to a library, and leave with a phone number. They don't even go out of their way, they just exist and over time they'll get people feeling out to see if they're available, still happens today.

For myself, that's just not the way the world works for me. I'm very social, I'm in hobbies that are largely female dominated, actively looking for a decent man, I go to the gym regularly and have a decent physique, I'm in meet-up groups for people my own age and.... people actively look at me like I've just vomited onto their shoes.

 

[Lukon]

Good topic.

For me it is hard to explain, but I'd say it is the realization that I am likely always going to be alone.
I've been alone for a long time. And the older I get, the deeper I get and the worse my chances are.
And also the realization that the women that I like, just do not really like me. Women do like me to deal with me in the workplace, as a customer, in some business-like relation, etc., because I am an honest, decent and respectable person. (At least I think so). But as far as someone to have a romantic relationship with, that just does not seem to be good enough.

Ya. This is what I have had to accept as real for me as well. Every time I think about it I start to cry. The more real it is for me, the more I feel like a metaphorical cold, black wave of death propagates through my body, annihilating my life energy.

 

[Gozo]

There’s no such thing as deserve

 

[birchwood]

That my brain will never let me function like a normal person and I will always have to deal with my intense emotions and fear of rejection.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I rethought what I said, and I started to think maybe I answered my own question.

I haven't performed masculinity, out of fear that I couldn't perform it, because I've been afraid I don't have the capacity to get good enough at anything to perform it.
I've felt like it was for other people who are good enough to do things, the "right" kind of people, not me.
But because I haven't performed it, I haven't registered as masculine, and I've stayed stuck in these problems I hate, but that I don't feel naturally good enough at anything to be able to escape.

I don't focus my energy on doing anything about this because I feel like it is impossible for me, due to things like genetics and talent.

Instead, I get caught up in snapping at people that I feel have snapped at me, and I become focused on that, instead of on actually getting better, which I've already written off as impossible for me, and as a result, haven't tried to do that seriously.

I feel the urge to defend myself, before I understand what it is I'm defending - my right to...stay in fear and self-doubt?

But that's what makes me fail to register as masculine in the first place, which is the cause of all this frustration, anger, and unhappiness.


Forget I said anything @birchwood , and sorry you're struggling with your own mental health.
If I had any advice to give, it would be to think and try to get to the root causes of why you feel the way you do - it's what I'm trying to do.

 

[Dart]

What's a painful truth you've had to swallow?​

No matter how hard you try to make others happy, someone will always want more. It’s exhausting. It’s crushing.

 

[Night89]

For myself i've come to the conclusion that i "gained" the best to be myself no matter what others think. I've heard from my therapist that i need to be flexible. However i've decided not to "adapted" to society good or bad.

Anyhow that's my two cents so to speak.

 

[timeAlone]

Some people will believe things about you that aren't true.

 

[HaileyB]

Coming out about a couple things from my past that happened to me.One was finally telling my dad molested me at age 10.Also coming out as transgender,knew I was this way at age 11.I feel good about it and finally happy in my life.This was last year

 

[user 191131]

I have swallowed it but I can't talk about it.

 

[Draven]

no one really gives a **** unless you convince them to so have fun and feel alive instead. I think that helped cure my depression and insecurities a long ass time ago.

 

[user 191138]

For me it's accepting that I'll never meet people's expectations no matter what I do. I've spent a lot of time and energy fighting this thought, but I'm at a point where I can't fight it anymore. There are so many expectations in society that I wanted to live up too, but can't.

Expectations are formed by perspective and perspective is brought about by living. No one is perfect and you also will be let down but those who let us down aren’t always bad people.

 

[user 191131]

..... those who let us down aren’t always bad people.

That's too mature for me to understand.