Men - do you feel yourself becoming an 'incel'?

[wwwocls]

Females will NEVER understand what it is like to be an unwanted male. Never.

I'm a man and I haven't dated in forever. I also want to realize how my own behavior may be pushing people away.

 

[Unsigned]

I'm a man and I haven't dated in forever. I also want to realize how my own behavior may be pushing people away.

I totally get that.
Yeah.
My behavior may be pushing some females away.
I can accept that.
But...SO MANY girls I have been with over the years... I am Prince F-ing charming compared to the thugs, creeps and losers they have been with over me. And yeah, I gravitate towards young and pretty. But still. Me, Well off, in shape guy over useless sh*tbag that breaks her jaw??? I think I would have the inside track there...but no dice...

 

[wwwocls]

I don't mean that. I mean we're pushing away EACH OTHER by arguing with each other in this conversation. I thought we were here for friendship, not arguing.

 

[Unsigned]

I don't mean that. I mean we're pushing away EACH OTHER by arguing with each other in this conversation. I thought we were here for friendship, not arguing.

Yeah...I get it and I agree.

 

[wwwocls]

Yeah...I get it and I agree.

I'm sorry for your pain. I think many of us in here have experienced plenty of it. It's existential and tough to live with.

 

[Unsigned]

I'm sorry for your pain. I think many of us in here have experienced plenty of it. It's existential and tough to live with.

I dull the pain with alcohol.
Since I was teen.

 

[wwwocls]

I dull the pain with alcohol.
Since I was teen.

I've dulled it with numerous things like porn and prescription drugs. Anything to make the memories and the trauma go away for a time.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I hadn't looked up the history/etymology of the term before. Here's the wikipedia, and this link to the cited source is from the creator herself[archived blog entry].

 

[FlynnRyder]

I don't mean that. I mean we're pushing away EACH OTHER by arguing with each other in this conversation. I thought we were here for friendship, not arguing.

we can argue and debate and still remain friends, as long as we are civil with each other and avoid personal insults. its easy to be in each other's company when everyone agrees, but the true test of character is who you are and how you act when everyone is disagreeing. It's ok to debate. it's healthy to bat ideas back and forth, to bounce your thoughts off other minds to make sure your mind is right.
That's why applaud the OP for starting this blog, and titling it the way he did. he felt a certain way, and was cognizant enough to realize thats not healthy or fair to think of others, and reached out to others to get some things off his chest. there's nothing wrong with that. that's a good thing!
there's too much holding **** in going on nowadays, too many people scared to let their deep feelings go, and too many people trying to punish them if they do. that's why we are dealing with the incel problem in the first place.

 

[FlynnRyder]

Females will NEVER understand what it is like to be an unwanted male. Never.

100% in agreement.
when you're unwanted, everyone hates you, no one loves you, and any attempt to reverse your fortune is met with ridicule and disdain. you're supposed to suffer in silence.
take what you're given (which is nothing), like with what you got, and be happy its not a fist in the mouth.

 

[FlynnRyder]

So, what you just said here is that women are to blame?

Yes and no.
Are women in general to blame for this toxic online subculture, who attack and threaten women mercilessly? who espouse these backward, antiquated ideas of how women should live their lives? of course not.
but their is a feminist movement, a coalition of activists, scholars, social commentators, and influencers who are at the forefront of the rebuttal, and the way they have decided to tackle this problem, has only made the problem worse.
do they receive most of the blame? no. the blame is with the members of that community, who have allowed themselves to be swallowed up by a culture of hate based on their own negative experiences. but the opposition in the discourse have played their part.

 

[TheRealCallie]

the blame is with the members of that community, who have allowed themselves to be swallowed up by a culture of hate based on their own negative experiences. but the opposition in the discourse have played their part.

I'm sorry, but this can also be said about incels. Or any other group out there, like I said previously.

It's essentially the same as the conversation I have with my kid about suicide in specific groups of people. Specific groups of people aren't the problem. EVERYONE is the problem. Every group has suicidal people and every group has the same thing in common.....mental health. What makes one group more special than the next? Why should one group get more ackowledgement than the next? **** the groups, **** the segegration this country is rapidly going back to. We are all human beings, we all have the same needs. Stop focusing on the differences and start focusing on the similarities. Start treating everyone, regardless of whatever label they have, better.

The same can be applied to this situation. The main problem is mental health. But, I'd also like to point out that there are also femcels out there. Women can also receive constant rejection their entire life. They can go without dates and kisses for half their life or longer. And yeah, I'm sure someone will come in here and say "it's not the same, they can get a guy, they are just being too picky" or whatever, but I'd like to point out that if it's true,as Unsigned said, "women can "NEVER" understand what men go through," the same is also true in reverse. Men can't understand what women go through. Sorry, but **** that too. It doesn't matter, we ALL struggle. Our struggles may be different but that doesn't make your or mine or ours or theirs any more heartbreaking than the other. STOP making **** a competition. I'm so damn sick of labels and people using them as an excuse.

 

[ardour]

But, I'd also like to point out that there are also femcels out there. Women can also receive constant rejection their entire life.

For one thing the numbers aren't comparable. The CDC states 0.3% of women and 1.2% of men aged 40 to 44 are virgins: four times as many male virgins by middle age.

Women aren't expected to be active in process of finding a partner. Older virgin women can admit to never asking men out and receive no judgement or mention of the fact despite never having actually tried anything direct.

If they take an active route, women aren't judged creepy or threatening when expressing unreciprocated interest...It has to be outrageous behaviour for anyone to care.

 

[Unsigned]

Older virgin women can admit to never asking men out and receive no judgement or mention of the fact despite never having actually tried to directly address this.

Here's the thing about a guy who has "never asking a girl/woman" out.
The females STILL initiate that.
It's very easy to claim to have "b@11s" for asking girls out when they are staring at you, smiling at you, touching you, initiating conversation with you, etc... You know, the way guys who look like the "Thor" actor get treated whenever they go out. Females very obviously make themselves available to them.

But for those of us who have always been ignored and treated as invisible, making that move brings a very high likelihood of ridicule and public humiliation. Which many of us experienced, sometimes constantly, as kids and teens back in school. So yeah, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. And if you're lucky enough to look like "Thor" that's great, but for those guys asking girls out is just as easy as me calling an escort agency, and not really something to be proud of.

 

[ardour]

Here's the thing about a guy who has "never asking a girl/woman" out.
The females STILL initiate that.
It's very easy to claim to have "b@11s" for asking girls out when they are staring at you, smiling at you, touching you, initiating conversation with you, etc... You know, the way guys who look like the "Thor" actor get treated whenever they go out. Females very obviously make themselves available to them.

Do you think average men receive that kind of response?

 

[Unsigned]

Do you think average men receive that kind of response?

Absolutely not. Certainly not from the level of women looks wise that the "Thors" get.
But maybe from below average looking women, perhaps.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Females will NEVER understand what it is like to be an unwanted male. Never.

How about you STOP assuming you know anything about women go through or feel or anything else. If THIS BS is true, the same is true is reverse.

But thank you both for proving my point. It was actually very helpful.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

But for those of us who have always been ignored and treated as invisible, making that move brings a very high likelihood of ridicule and public humiliation. Which many of us experienced, sometimes constantly, as kids and teens back in school. So yeah, I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. And if you're lucky enough to look like "Thor" that's great, but for those guys asking girls out is just as easy as me calling an escort agency, and not really something to be proud of.

Speak for yourself, bud.

I've got a rejection rate of damn near 100%, but I've never felt "public humiliation" as you describe it. Largely, because I tend to ask people out in a more one-to-one setting.

Yes, hot guys have it easier, it's hardly a newsflash, but this idea that ugly people, and I believe I'm allowed to say this as an ugly person, can still make a move.

 

[Unsigned]

How about you STOP assuming you know anything about women go through or feel or anything else. If THIS BS is true, the same is true is reverse.

But thank you both for proving my point. It was actually very helpful.

Of course you are entitled to your opinion, and I believe in free speech, so if you feel like telling me off, have at it.
But I am curious why you responded to the same comment I made twice.
I already know you disagreed with it.
Why the need to double up?

I've got a rejection rate of **** near 100%, but I've never felt "public humiliation" as you describe it. Largely, because I tend to ask people out in a more one-to-one setting.

Yeah I understand.
I was only talking about settings that I am familiar with.
Midtown Manhattan bars & rooftops and very hot girls that throw themselves at 6'3" frat boy finance types that played on Ivy League sports teams. Those types of girls.

 

[ardour]

. Largely, because I tend to ask people out in a more one-to-one setting.

Which by the current narrative is likely to land you in more hot water, since women claim to feel scared/cornered while alone with a man.