Painfully insecure to the point of avoiding people and places

[Restless soul]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

 

[MisterLonely]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

 

[Somnambulist]

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

You should copyright this

 

[Restless soul]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

 

[Restless soul]

Put it this way. Too far, few and in-between. At almost 38.

 

[MisterLonely]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

But it does happen, now my point wasn't that these positive remarks counterbalance the negative once, it's more about your reaction to them... I'm wondering if you deal with them the same way as you deal with the negative ones, I would guess you don't, ofcourse making this comparison isn't truly fair for the simple reason that almost noone over analyzes positive feedback, they just accept it for what it is... and in that sentence is also the answer to dealing with negative feedback, hard as it me be accept it and move on, knowing that it's just one persons oppinion (and don't think your alone in that!, I found myself truly ugly for most of my life, any and all remarks about my appearence would dwell for hours if not days)

Your problem isn't with your looks because I believe I've seen you say your not unhappy with your looks, your problem is with explaining the unexplainable and/or disproving the unprovable namely peoples personal opinion.

I truly think that you need to learn to let things go, you don't have to doubt who you are or how you look, you dont need to change anything to be happy except that one little thing (letting it go), you are already outgoing and able to make an effort to combat your loneliness, you're just getting caught up on the "failures" of those attempts.

 

[Restless soul]

You are getting lost in your thoughts each time, even though you know them to be not only useless but harmful. Thinking is a bottomless pit, Restless. You have to find a way to step out of it.

No amount of reasoning or logic about whether or not you look like Brad Pitt or John Candy is going to help you the slightest, because tomorrow, someone else will say something and you're back to square one.

Don't put a bandaid on this ****, ****** do some brain surgery on it.

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

But it does happen, now my point wasn't that these positive remarks counterbalance the negative once, it's more about your reaction to them... I'm wondering if you deal with them the same way as you deal with the negative ones, I would guess you don't, ofcourse making this comparison isn't truly fair for the simple reason that almost noone over analyzes positive feedback, they just accept it for what it is... and in that sentence is also the answer to dealing with negative feedback, hard as it me be accept it and move on, knowing that it's just one persons oppinion (and don't think your alone in that!, I found myself truly ugly for most of my life, any and all remarks about my appearence would dwell for hours if not days)

Your problem isn't with your looks because I believe I've seen you say your not unhappy with your looks, your problem is with explaining the unexplainable and/or disproving the unprovable namely peoples personal opinion.

I truly think that you need to learn to let things go, you don't have to doubt who you are or how you look, you dont need to change anything to be happy except that one little thing (letting it go), you are already outgoing and able to make an effort to combat your loneliness, you're just getting caught up on the "failures" of those attempts.

Thanks, well said. You were very clear. I am not unhappy with my looks, but do suffer insecurities which makes me question it always. But still one person's opinion, two persons.  Seems to " trigger" these thoughts.

 

[MisterLonely]

Funny you should say that. I think I would like to hear brad pitt over john candy.  But interesting comparisons.  A lot hass to do with who they say I look like. Either way..its a problem!

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

But it does happen, now my point wasn't that these positive remarks counterbalance the negative once, it's more about your reaction to them... I'm wondering if you deal with them the same way as you deal with the negative ones, I would guess you don't, ofcourse making this comparison isn't truly fair for the simple reason that almost noone over analyzes positive feedback, they just accept it for what it is... and in that sentence is also the answer to dealing with negative feedback, hard as it me be accept it and move on, knowing that it's just one persons oppinion (and don't think your alone in that!, I found myself truly ugly for most of my life, any and all remarks about my appearence would dwell for hours if not days)

Your problem isn't with your looks because I believe I've seen you say your not unhappy with your looks, your problem is with explaining the unexplainable and/or disproving the unprovable namely peoples personal opinion.

I truly think that you need to learn to let things go, you don't have to doubt who you are or how you look, you dont need to change anything to be happy except that one little thing (letting it go), you are already outgoing and able to make an effort to combat your loneliness, you're just getting caught up on the "failures" of those attempts.

Thanks, well said. You were very clear. I am not unhappy with my looks, but do suffer insecurities which makes me question it always. But still one person's opinion, two persons.  Seems to " trigger" these thoughts.

I get that , but you are not unhappy with your looks!

Whoes opinion is more important to you, a friend, acquaintance or complete strangers opinion, or your own? simple answer right!
So we won't go chainging our looks because we wouldn't be doing it for ourselves, however we can change or try to change the way we react to those opinions.

Just out of curiosity, have you posted in the "lets see the faces" thread?
I was realy nervous about the reactions I was going to get, and was realy insecure about showing my face.

 

[Restless soul]

What Somnam is trying to get across is that the only opinion that matters in this case is your own, now how to deal with that when it happens isn't something I can tell you, I myself like to just make an equally rediculous/ offensive remark right back at them, this does take practice though.

Just out of curriosity how often does it happen someone complements you (what you would consider to be a complemantory remark counts too), not just on looks but on everything?

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

But it does happen, now my point wasn't that these positive remarks counterbalance the negative once, it's more about your reaction to them... I'm wondering if you deal with them the same way as you deal with the negative ones, I would guess you don't, ofcourse making this comparison isn't truly fair for the simple reason that almost noone over analyzes positive feedback, they just accept it for what it is... and in that sentence is also the answer to dealing with negative feedback, hard as it me be accept it and move on, knowing that it's just one persons oppinion (and don't think your alone in that!, I found myself truly ugly for most of my life, any and all remarks about my appearence would dwell for hours if not days)

Your problem isn't with your looks because I believe I've seen you say your not unhappy with your looks, your problem is with explaining the unexplainable and/or disproving the unprovable namely peoples personal opinion.

I truly think that you need to learn to let things go, you don't have to doubt who you are or how you look, you dont need to change anything to be happy except that one little thing (letting it go), you are already outgoing and able to make an effort to combat your loneliness, you're just getting caught up on the "failures" of those attempts.

Thanks, well said. You were very clear. I am not unhappy with my looks, but do suffer insecurities which makes me question it always. But still one person's opinion, two persons.  Seems to " trigger" these thoughts.

I get that , but you are not unhappy with your looks!

Whoes opinion is more important to you, a friend, acquaintance or complete strangers opinion, or your own? simple answer right!
So we won't go chainging our looks because we wouldn't be doing it for ourselves, however we can change or try to change the way we react to those opinions.

Just out of curiosity, have you posted in the "lets see the faces" thread?
I was realy nervous about the reactions I was going to get, and was realy insecure about showing my face.

No. Definitely not my style to post there

 

[MisterLonely]

You mean something I would consider complementary that would counter or balance being told I look like people I don't want to look like? Happens. Had people tell me that I am intelligent or that I have nice eyes. Not too many women though. But one comment I don't like throws all that off

But it does happen, now my point wasn't that these positive remarks counterbalance the negative once, it's more about your reaction to them... I'm wondering if you deal with them the same way as you deal with the negative ones, I would guess you don't, ofcourse making this comparison isn't truly fair for the simple reason that almost noone over analyzes positive feedback, they just accept it for what it is... and in that sentence is also the answer to dealing with negative feedback, hard as it me be accept it and move on, knowing that it's just one persons oppinion (and don't think your alone in that!, I found myself truly ugly for most of my life, any and all remarks about my appearence would dwell for hours if not days)

Your problem isn't with your looks because I believe I've seen you say your not unhappy with your looks, your problem is with explaining the unexplainable and/or disproving the unprovable namely peoples personal opinion.

I truly think that you need to learn to let things go, you don't have to doubt who you are or how you look, you dont need to change anything to be happy except that one little thing (letting it go), you are already outgoing and able to make an effort to combat your loneliness, you're just getting caught up on the "failures" of those attempts.

Thanks, well said. You were very clear. I am not unhappy with my looks, but do suffer insecurities which makes me question it always. But still one person's opinion, two persons.  Seems to " trigger" these thoughts.

I get that , but you are not unhappy with your looks!

Whoes opinion is more important to you, a friend, acquaintance or complete strangers opinion, or your own? simple answer right!
So we won't go chainging our looks because we wouldn't be doing it for ourselves, however we can change or try to change the way we react to those opinions.

Just out of curiosity, have you posted in the "lets see the faces" thread?
I was realy nervous about the reactions I was going to get, and was realy insecure about showing my face.

No. Definitely not my style to post there

Again, you know best , this is also a beautifull example btw, I (ever so sneakily ) suggested you to post a picture, and you are not prepared to do that because it's not your style, your not changing yourself to fit outers needs in this, so why would you even consider changing your appearence for that reason! It's not needed!

(P.S. I'm off to bed)

 

[Restless soul]

Hence the title "painfully insecure "

 

[AlexD]

[...] If I see them coming down the street I would go in the opposite direction and hope they did not see me [..]

Been there, done that - I'm still battling my demons but life's too short to care about people that don't care back.

I'll say hello with a smile and then quickly move on, because not everything from the past can be resolved.

So like a grin and bare it kind of approach.  Not sure I can..

What other choice have you got?

Haha, I am a she . You'll get my PM in 15 minutes.

 

[Restless soul]

Oh? My bad

 

[Restless soul]

Wait, when did I say you were a he?

 

[Somnambulist]

Just out of curiosity, have you posted in the "lets see the faces" thread?
I was realy nervous about the reactions I was going to get, and was realy insecure about showing my face.

No ! I would not recommend that to Mr. Restless ! It would be a tough exercise for him. A good exercise, but I don't think he will be able to handle feedback, given his current mindset.

 

[Somnambulist]

Wait, when did I say you were a he?

"I sent alex a message already, lets see what he says "

She just quoted the wrong message in her reply.

 

[Restless soul]

Here is a better example into my warped mind.

Lets say an attractive woman finds me handsome and or cute, ok? And then someone compares me looks wise to someone, who is not handsome or comsidered cute. Does that mean I am not anymore? Make sense?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Here is a better example into my warped mind.

Lets say an attractive woman finds me handsome  and or cute, ok? And then someone compares me looks wise to someone, who is not handsome or comsidered cute. Does that mean I am not anymore? Make sense?

Not handsome or cute to YOU does not mean not handsome or cute to someone else.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....

 

[Restless soul]

Here is a better example into my warped mind.

Lets say an attractive woman finds me handsome  and or cute, ok? And then someone compares me looks wise to someone, who is not handsome or comsidered cute. Does that mean I am not anymore? Make sense?

Not handsome or cute to YOU does not mean not handsome or cute to someone else.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....

But lets say someone is seriously ugly and won't be considered handsome by everybody.  Then what?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Here is a better example into my warped mind.

Lets say an attractive woman finds me handsome  and or cute, ok? And then someone compares me looks wise to someone, who is not handsome or comsidered cute. Does that mean I am not anymore? Make sense?

Not handsome or cute to YOU does not mean not handsome or cute to someone else.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....

But lets say someone is seriously ugly and won't be considered handsome by everybody.  Then what?

No one is "seriously ugly," IMO.  No one is ugly to me.  Then what?