Not sure if a question is exactly for this thread, but I don't want to make a new one.
What do you think about parents giving money to their adult(healthy and not in any force majeure situation) children?
And about helping in general?
Sorry for a lot of words, I'm really lost and would be happy to hear, what do you think. Me as a parent and me as a child are in a big conflict. I can't decide which one me is right )
I don't think getting money from your parents, when you are an adult(very adult) is good(unless it's a birtday small present or some special situation), and my parents suggest to help me(they can afford it).
I live now in the same town as my parents and besides some thing I don't like here, I am running out of money. I didn't have a lot of savings when I moved and I needed and still do a lot of money to pay to stay here, so all I earn is spent for this and living. In any case of extra needs(f.e. I have a sudden problem with a tooth and I'm not sure I can pay for it myself, neither it can wait till the next month) I'll have to ask my parents.
So the other opportunitie is just to return home(life's cheaper there and I don't have to rent a flat), my parents hate this idea though. They become nervous and very angry when we discuss it. They say I'll ruin my kid's life due to my "stupid attempts to prove someone something". I don't think it's as dangerous as they think, but must confess, nothing good waits us there, the only good thing is a better education that I can afford there(or here my parents will help with the school, however they say "it's just money, why to worry?" and it's what they suggest: to pay for food/clothes /classes for a kid and in a future for a school). I can borrow money, but they will refuse to take it back and I don't know when I can return it.
On the one hand, I think that it's not suitable, I'm adult, I'm healthy, I can work and so on.
On the other, I also think that if it was my daughter, I would like to help her and to stay near her and my grandchildren. And well, I'd rather be with her but without money, than with money but without her. Maybe my parents are right and the only reason why I think to take my parent's help is bad idea because I'm the looser in the family(both my father and my brother earn a few times more) and I'm trying to prove, I'm not. Maybe I should just accept it.
1. - From a moral perspective, you are concerned about the situation (you have concern about accepting financial help); therefore we can conclude, that you are not a moocher.
1a. - Therefore you are not a loser, as it concerns receiving money.
2. - From a personal/psychological aspect, there is an aspect of self esteem and perhaps pride. Where A = accepting financial help from parents; and where B = solving your financial problems on your own merits; it seems that (A = failure and being a loser and having less financial concerns in the near term and perhaps money for schooling and a desire to repay what is considered a debt); and (B = not being a loser and possibly having to return). This is how you have defined things, to put it simply.
2a. - Obviously there are more considerations. Let's
remove the failure and loser part of the definitions.
2b. - (A = having less financial concerns in the near term and perhaps money for schooling and a desire to repay what is considered a debt); and (B = possibly having to return.)
In my experience, most A/B situations in life are lose/lose situations. If you choose A, you lose. If you chose B, you lose. So from an efficiency stand-point. Make the choice that requires the least effort. You will still lose; but, you will have made the most efficient choice.
Then there is the Biblical perspective, like the parable of the bags of gold (Mathew 25:14-30). From that perspective, in receiving money, one has the opportunity to multiply it.
If you want to repay the money, you can, 'pay-it-forward,' and donate money to charitable causes, if your parents won't accept money. Or you can use the money you would have repaid them, and make a goal to multiply the money. etc.. etc..
I've shot myself in the foot before in a similar situation. I did the best with the information I had at the time though; so, not much point in regretting things. I wanted to stand on my own two feet and do the right thing; and in the end, it didn't work out, and I may have just been being selfish in the end anyway...
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All one can do is the best they can with what they've got, at any particular moment
Quiet your mind, search your heart, and make the best decision you can; and just trust The Universe/God/etc..
