Questions for the Women

[Butterfly 2]

I got a question for women.
How far into a different opinion would you be able to date with? Like, let's say you're a Republican. Would you date a Democrat? Or let's say you believe the Earth is round and you think Flat Earthers are insane. Would you date one and just ignore those types of convos?
How far in right or left field is TOO far, or is there no such thing for you?

On politics, I am more to the center, but lean to the left and I spent many years being to the center and leaning to the right. Something went wrong in the early 2000s (tea party, aka, freedom caucus) and I could no longer identify with many of them except fiscally. Maybe I changed a bit, but they changed drastically.

But I have no problem with someone having different political beliefs, unless of course it goes to the extreme. I couldn't even have much of a friendship with someone who believes the Jews have nothing better to do than fly around the forests of California with laser guns and start fires or that the Democrats have this big child slave ring and sell them as sex slaves or make burnt offerings of them. That isn't political beliefs. It's being misled by certain news media outlets who have a cult mentality. It actually destroys lives. Think Pizza gate.

 

[Finished]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Pizza.........

 

[BeyondShy]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Pizza.........

There is a long line of people in here and who are no longer here like you.

 

[Night89]

What makes one attractive according to a woman? I know this is a wide question and hard to answer but im interested.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Interesting question and there are probably a lot of different answers.

A sense of humor would be high on my list. Along with kindness, empathy, friendliness, thoughtfulness. Someone who offers a sense of security where I would feel comfortable sharing private thoughts and feelings. Loyalty. One of the worst things I have seen in relationships is for one to backstab the other and complain about them. I'm not referring to someone sharing anonymously on here, but to tell people in real life how horrible their significant other is. I would want to know they have my back just like I would have theirs.

Loving animals and nature and going for walks is also important to me. Oh and they have to love pizza. (Joking about that last sentence.)

I'm interested in following this and seeing the input from others. It's a good question.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Hand raised because I have more to add.

Someone who likes to give hugs. A goodbye hug or a good night hug is mandatory. Also someone who likes to hold hands and I don't mean at a ridiculous level, but places that other couples do the same like car shows or fairs or festivals, etc.

 

[BeyondShy]

Interesting question and there are probably a lot of different answers.

A sense of humor would be high on my list. Along with kindness, empathy, friendliness, thoughtfulness. Someone who offers a sense of security where I would feel comfortable sharing private thoughts and feelings. Loyalty. One of the worst things I have seen in relationships is for one to backstab the other and complain about them. I'm not referring to someone sharing anonymously on here, but to tell people in real life how horrible their significant other is. I would want to know they have my back just like I would have theirs.

Loving animals and nature and going for walks is also important to me. Oh and they have to love pizza. (Joking about that last sentence.)

I'm interested in following this and seeing the input from others. It's a good question.

Very well thought out. I am a very loyal person too and that sometimes helps and hurts me.

 

[Claudia1794]

Hand raised because I have more to add.

Someone who likes to give hugs. A goodbye hug or a good night hug is mandatory. Also someone who likes to hold hands and I don't mean at a ridiculous level, but places that other couples do the same like car shows or fairs or festivals, etc.

"Hand raised" tickled me.
I think if someone tried to hold my hand it would shock me and leave me slack jawed in the way you are talking about of course. I would probably pull away from anything longer than a minute or so. I do like when the person I'm with to put their palm on the small of my back. It says I'm with you but I don't have to have hold of you.

 

[Claudia1794]

There’s all kinds of attractions I guess. Sometimes the smallest thing can make me notice a man. It can be the way they walk, the way they stand, the way they smile. I’m attracted to whatever gets my attention. After that it either grows or lessens depending on my likes and dislikes. I really believe that everyone has something desirable about them. I can appreciate a traditionally good looking man but for me it’s usually something that stands out about them. Skinny, bow legged, big nose, tall, dimples, curly hair, hands are big thing for me. As far as personality I prefer the quiet types. Confident, strong, but Fun and kind of smart assy. Honestly, I’ve dated them all. The only things my major relationships had in common were they were are all excellent in bed which is the main reason those relationships lasted and they were all nuts. Obviously the more you like about the person the better looking they are going to be and vice versa.
My husband had a big suped up truck that you had to literally climb into. He would throw his right arm across the back and it was so hot. Just wide open like an invitation to climb on top. Is that overstating? Maybe but it was attraction and that was the question

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What makes one attractive according to a woman? I know this is a wide question and hard to answer but im interested.

If I am being honest, care is attractive, I sometimes feel like no one has ever really cared about me (except dad), even guys that I have tried to show interest in, they never actually care about me... they just... like the look of me. I mean... who can blame them I am bloody gorgeous (I joke I joke) but in all seriousness I'd give up a lot... for a drop of care, not when it's convenient but when he's super busy, or having a hardship at some point... comes out of his own world just long enough to say... "Hey Cen, let's talk about anything you want" and I can say.. "I really think the male gaze is an important part of society and should not be stopped just because it simply makes me uncomfortable, let's discuss "...Okay okay maybe not that, but, "what is your best childhood memory? and if anything could put a smile on your face right now what would it be?" I like the deep parts of the brain, the parts that paint beauty onto raw emotion, I wish I could find someone who saw that in me... I am too submissive to argue, but I feel pain... just want protection, care, deep conversation, also understanding that I am nuts would also help lol.

 

[Claudia1794]

If I am being honest, care is attractive, I sometimes feel like no one has ever really cared about me (except dad), even guys that I have tried to show interest in, they never actually care about me... they just... like the look of me. I mean... who can blame them I am bloody gorgeous (I joke I joke) but in all seriousness I'd give up a lot... for a drop of care, not when it's convenient but when he's super busy, or having a hardship at some point... comes out of his own world just long enough to say... "Hey Cen, let's talk about anything you want" and I can say.. "I really think the male gaze is an important part of society and should not be stopped just because it simply makes me uncomfortable, let's discuss "...Okay okay maybe not that, but, "what is your best childhood memory? and if anything could put a smile on your face right now what would it be?" I like the deep parts of the brain, the parts that paint beauty onto raw emotion, I wish I could find someone who saw that in me... I am too submissive to argue, but I feel pain... just want protection, care, deep conversation, also understanding that I am nuts would also help lol.

Would you want him if you weren’t physically attracted to him?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Would you want him if you weren’t physically attracted to him?

Nahh i’d let a good one like that find someone who can appreciate all of him

 

[Claudia1794]

Nahh i’d let a good one like that find someone who can appreciate all of him

Oh I was serious. It happens all the time. Guy is absolutely smitten with girl and girl loves it and eats it up but because he is so into her and available she doesn’t want him. Some girls always want what they don’t have. I’ve been there.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Oh I was serious. It happens all the time. Guy is absolutely smitten with girl and girl loves it and eats it up but because he is so into her and available she doesn’t want him. Some girls always want what they don’t have. I’ve been there.

Yeah thats true, I just would hate for a guy to be with me because he thinks I am kind and nothing else or my looks and nothing else, I want a balance. Because that means a lot to me, I wouldn't treat a man like that,

Would you date a guy claudia if he said you werent his type physically but still everything he has been looking for personality wise?

 

[Claudia1794]

Yeah thats true, I just would hate for a guy to be with me because he thinks I am kind and nothing else or my looks and nothing else, I want a balance. Because that means a lot to me, I wouldn't treat a man like that,

Would you date a guy claudia if he said you werent his type physically but still everything he has been looking for personality wise?

Never had that happen so I can’t say but if there is no attraction then what’s the point?

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Yeah I got a kind of complicated question....

Why do my exes pout and get irritated that they don't have control or influence over me anymore even years after we've been broken up?

Like to the point that I have to forcefully exert more energy than I care to just to be an ******* and make them **** off and leave me alone, and I really don't feel like that should be necessary, why can't they just respect that it's literally been years?

It's the same case in all 3 instances:
I gradually lose interest in them because they value fun more than future structural planning, they start looking for other options to monkey branch off onto and generally do find wealthier men...but they always come back to me, and always want me under their thumb again, and then get upset when I tell them that they officially are no longer unto me and I have no obligation to them. WHY is that, that way? Or rather: What am I doing wrong, and how can I prevent this from happening in the future without exhausting myself to make them leave me alone for good, like without blocking them? Kinda can't block somebody that knows where I live.

 

[Claudia1794]

Yeah I got a kind of complicated question....

Why do my exes pout and get irritated that they don't have control or influence over me anymore even years after we've been broken up?

Duh hoy silly! They probably thought that they were the ones with the upper hand. Maybe they thought they were superior to you or like doing you a favor for being with you. You've moved on and that has crushed their ego because they thought that no matter what you would always be the guy that would want or need them. Maybe they thought more about the relationships you had.Im sure someone will come along and be able to say exactly what I'm thinking but that's the best I've got.

Like to the point that I have to forcefully exert more energy than I care to just to be an ******* and make them **** off and leave me alone, and I really don't feel like that should be necessary, why can't they just respect that it's literally been years?

You could just tell them that the only thing your interested in is the the thing they don't have. Be a total dick though. The slightest sense of civility will only keep them circling.

It's the same case in all 3 instances:
I gradually lose interest in them because they value fun more than future structural planning,

Haha! This sounds like me. Only this though. I don't go backwards.

they start looking for other options to monkey branch off onto and generally do find wealthier men...but they always come back to me, and always want me under their thumb again, and then get upset when I tell them that they officially are no longer unto me and I have no obligation to them. WHY is that, that way? Or rather: What am I doing wrong, and how can I prevent this from happening in the future without exhausting myself to make them leave me alone for good,

Avoid that type of woman.

 

[ardour]

Oh I was serious. It happens all the time. Guy is absolutely smitten with girl and girl loves it and eats it up but because he is so into her and available she doesn’t want him. Some girls always want what they don’t have. I’ve been there.

By the time they're Ceno's age a lot men have learnt that open adoration guarantees not getting what they adore. The pair ups that "work" around that age, at least as far as I can tell, seem to be those where the man is the less emotionally attached party. And it's probably not easy, having to walk a tightrope between too little and too much attention, knowing the latter risks killing all attraction.

 

[user 139760]

Yeah I got a kind of complicated question....

Why do my exes pout and get irritated that they don't have control or influence over me anymore even years after we've been broken up?

Like to the point that I have to forcefully exert more energy than I care to just to be an ******* and make them **** off and leave me alone, and I really don't feel like that should be necessary, why can't they just respect that it's literally been years?

It's the same case in all 3 instances:
I gradually lose interest in them because they value fun more than future structural planning, they start looking for other options to monkey branch off onto and generally do find wealthier men...but they always come back to me, and always want me under their thumb again, and then get upset when I tell them that they officially are no longer unto me and I have no obligation to them. WHY is that, that way? Or rather: What am I doing wrong, and how can I prevent this from happening in the future without exhausting myself to make them leave me alone for good, like without blocking them? Kinda can't block somebody that knows where I live.

Well, I don't know you enough to know your experiences, I also am not a woman, so feel free to discard my suggestion , but perhaps it has the to do more with the type of wonen, if they have one, that you frequented in the past. I had one such ex once, what you would consider a tixic relationship at the time. We'd been split up several years and out of the blue, she invited me to a restaurant to "catch up". Long story short, she tried to guilt me, or coerce me, or however you might call it, into sex with her again. Probably because of all the 40+ men she'd slept with in the padt after she'd broken up with them, I was the only one to refuse her.
Yes, she believed she was "all that". Having ne say no probably irked her no end.

Of course, maybe the personnalities of your exs are different, but maybe there's a bit of that in there? I just laughed and casually thanked her, then left her sitting at that restaurant. She's tried contacting me a few times over the years, but a polite conversation and a rebuttal was all she received. As you say, expending energy for that was a waste. At this point though, I really don't care enough about her to either feel angey, or the need to be an ass. Bit sad maybe, that she hasn't grown in all this time.

Anyway, food for thought. Just ignore them

 

[Finished]

What am I doing wrong, and how can I prevent this from happening in the future without exhausting myself to make them leave me alone for good, like without blocking them?

You are providing them some kind of support. If you completely ignore them they will stay away. Or, you can tell them that you like them and want to take them to dinner. That has always worked for me. They never contact me again after I do that.