Questions for the Women

[ladyforsaken]

Why is it common sense to not talk about past relationships?

I think it's more of how they're talking about their past relationships. If they are making comparisons between the current relationship and the previous ones, or if they are longing for them or missing them or talk about their exes 80% of the time... then I think that's inappropriate.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why is it common sense to not talk about past relationships?

I think it's more of how they're talking about their past relationships. If they are making comparisons between the current relationship and the previous ones, or if they are longing for them or missing them or talk about their exes 80% of the time... then I think that's inappropriate.

I would have to agree with this. I wasn't going to comment on that question because I don't go on dates. But I would say, in general, it's more of how they're talking about it. If y'all are just sitting somewhere and the topic comes up, and you're both just talking about past experiences, I think that's fine. But if someone wants to start gloating or comparing peaches and bananas, then I think there may or may not be an issue with that.

 

[Azariah]

Why she won't reply back to my messages? Should I give up? ty.

VanillaCreme is that your xbox live gt?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why she won't reply back to my messages? Should I give up? ty.

VanillaCreme is that your xbox live gt?

We can't answer why someone won't specifically answer you. May be multiple reasons.

And yes, it is. My 360 hasn't been hooked up in a long time though.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why is it common sense to not talk about past relationships?
I genuinely don't get it. We all know there is someone before us - why try to pretend they didn't happen? Is it a jealousy thing?

Common sense may have been the wrong term (although, I do believe it's common sense), I probably meant more like unwritten rule.

As for why, well, as someone else said, if it gets brought up, okay, fine, but don't go into the "oh I loved him so much blah blah blah" type of talk. That shouldn't happen until later in the relationship.

First dates should be meant to get to know each other, not past relationships. If you go on and on about your ex (which is what sounds like happened to TB), you are just pushing the person away, because it is irritating, annoying and kind of shows the person that you are not over your ex.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Why is it common sense to not talk about past relationships?
I genuinely don't get it. We all know there is someone before us - why try to pretend they didn't happen? Is it a jealousy thing?

Common sense may have been the wrong term (although, I do believe it's common sense), I probably meant more like unwritten rule.

As for why, well, as someone else said, if it gets brought up, okay, fine, but don't go into the "oh I loved him so much blah blah blah" type of talk. That shouldn't happen until later in the relationship.

First dates should be meant to get to know each other, not past relationships. If you go on and on about your ex (which is what sounds like happened to TB), you are just pushing the person away, because it is irritating, annoying and kind of shows the person that you are not over your ex.

One lass years ago, I went on 3 or 4 dates with her and she never stopped talking about her old boyfriends, how great they were, how wonderful, what they did. Blah, blah, blah. Without paying me any compliments at all !

The last one, a couple of years ago, she talked about her last online guy friend. She talked about how much she loved him, how great it was between them, how deep there connection was, how she longed to meet him but it didn't happen. It made me feel like I was wasting my time with her. She made me feel second rate.

 

[SofiasMami]

One lass years ago, I went on 3 or 4 dates with her and she never stopped talking about her old boyfriends, how great they were, how wonderful, what they did. Blah, blah, blah. Without paying me any compliments at all !

The last one, a couple of years ago, she talked about her last online guy friend. She talked about how much she loved him, how great it was between them, how deep there connection was, how she longed to meet him but it didn't happen. It made me feel like I was wasting my time with her. She made me feel second rate.

It seems like it would be common knowledge not to prattle on about past relationships when you've just met someone but it happened to me a lot when I was dating. When a guy keeps talking about their ex, it makes me feel like they miss their ex. It's why I don't talk about my exes a lot when I first meet someone - I don't miss them

-Teresa

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Why she won't reply back to my messages? Should I give up? ty.

Maybe her phone broke? Or she's not interested in you? It's hard to tell without any details on what preceded the not-replying-back-to-my-messages.

-Teresa

 

[Azariah]

One lass years ago, I went on 3 or 4 dates with her and she never stopped talking about her old boyfriends, how great they were, how wonderful, what they did. Blah, blah, blah. Without paying me any compliments at all !

The last one, a couple of years ago, she talked about her last online guy friend. She talked about how much she loved him, how great it was between them, how deep there connection was, how she longed to meet him but it didn't happen. It made me feel like I was wasting my time with her. She made me feel second rate.

It seems like it would be common knowledge not to prattle on about past relationships when you've just met someone but it happened to me a lot when I was dating. When a guy keeps talking about their ex, it makes me feel like they miss their ex. It's why I don't talk about my exes a lot when I first meet someone - I don't miss them

-Teresa

---

Why she won't reply back to my messages? Should I give up? ty.

Maybe her phone broke? Or she's not interested in you? It's hard to tell without any details on what preceded the not-replying-back-to-my-messages.

-Teresa

---

Details. I messaged her a couple times before but I was practically insane see? I think I was manic. I have Bipolar disorder. Don't remember what I said exactly. I think I told her I love her lol. That sh*ts embarrassing tmi lol.

They say you got one chance to make a good impression. Well I blew mine.

If you want more details send a PM my way.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Details. I messaged her a couple times before but I was practically insane see? I think I was manic. I have Bipolar disorder. Don't remember what I said exactly. I think I told her I love her lol. That sh*ts embarrassing tmi lol.

They say you got one chance to make a good impression. Well I blew mine.

If you want more details send a PM my way.

If that's the case, she may be ignoring you. I'd leave it be.

 

[Oldyoung]

Question for the women. Say that you meet a guy, you exchange phone numbers, and you are a bit interested in the guy just from the first impression you got. You find him decent looking, and he's easy to talk to. But you don't know anything else. If he's single, where he works, hobbies, deeper personality traits, good in bed.. likes cats or not etc

Now I want to know, what information you will seek out first, and how. Will you look him up online, or will you try to meet over a meal.

I know this will depend a lot on the circumstances, but would be interesting to hear how different women will prioritize.

woman 1: is he single? rich? owns house? ...
woman 2: does he love cats? single? likes reading? ....
woman 3: is he taken, looking for a fling like I am? experienced with women? Flirty? ...
woman 4 .....
woman you?

 

[Arachne]

Can he laugh at himself, be open to new things and like cats No not online I am not in to snooping and yes perhaps over coffee or tea..

 

[ladyforsaken]

Question for the women. Say that you meet a guy, you exchange phone numbers, and you are a bit interested in the guy just from the first impression you got. You find him decent looking, and he's easy to talk to. But you don't know anything else. If he's single, where he works, hobbies, deeper personality traits, good in bed.. likes cats or not etc

Now I want to know, what information you will seek out first, and how. Will you look him up online, or will you try to meet over a meal.

I know this will depend a lot on the circumstances, but would be interesting to hear how different women will prioritize.

woman 1: is he single? rich? owns house? ...
woman 2: does he love cats? single? likes reading? ....
woman 3: is he taken, looking for a fling like I am? experienced with women? Flirty? ...
woman 4 .....
woman you?

Say, if this happens to me, and If I'm going by that scenario, I would try to play it cool. I won't fish for information directly, I would talk about things and bring up topics that would have him provide the information through his sharing about himself and his life. Besides, I think that's one way to have a conversation going with him and if the conversation flows nicely, then I think it's a win-win situation for everyone.

Also to add, I would gladly do it over activities or just a chat online. Phone calls will have to take some time to get there...
I think looking him up online might happen. If I knew how to get to it.

Now as to what specific information I'd like to know about him, would be:
1. Is he attached/married/unavailable? If he is, then I know I can't pursue this to be more than friendship.
2. What's he looking for in this interaction?
3. What's his personality like? This will allow me to know if he and I could get along, or if he's someone I'd rather not associate with.

 

[Veruca]

Question for the women. Say that you meet a guy, you exchange phone numbers, and you are a bit interested in the guy just from the first impression you got. You find him decent looking, and he's easy to talk to. But you don't know anything else. If he's single, where he works, hobbies, deeper personality traits, good in bed.. likes cats or not etc

Now I want to know, what information you will seek out first, and how. Will you look him up online, or will you try to meet over a meal.

Here's what I'd do, in order of action

1. If this guy is a complete stranger, then id look him up online before meeting him again. Ive met too many creeps so id want to do a bit of a background check just to be safe.

2. If he seems ok then Id text him and see if he is as responsive/interested. If he is then I might suggest meeting up.

3. From then on, Id try to find out through conversation and observation if hes single and if we share similar life values/goals.

4. If he does share these things and my interest grows, next thing Id want to know is if he feels the same way abouy me. Id try to ask some pointed question or hint and see what happens. Id probably be too shy to just straight out ask the the guy though.

 

[Xpendable]

What's the most trivial thing a man can do to be called a creep?

 

[ardour]

What's the most trivial thing a man can do to be called a creep?

From my own experience, not returning a smile, not responding in the desired way due to social anxiety.

"Creep" is synonymous with 'sex offender' to most people, so it's unfortunate that it's being used as a casual insult.

 

[ladyforsaken]

What's the most trivial thing a man can do to be called a creep?

Not return a smile.

Nah I wouldn't call someone like that a creep. If he doesn't want to smile, he doesn't have to smile.

Trivial creep comprises of people who:
- blatantly stalk me online and offline (yes I have had this happen and it only makes me stay away)
- consistently staring at me or someone
- making weird comments and smirking crazily making weird faces

That's all I can think of for now.

 

[ardour]

- making weird comments and smirking crazily making weird faces

Depending on the nature of it, some of that can be the result of social anxiety.

 

[Veruca]

What's the most trivial thing a man can do to be called a creep?

From my own experience, not returning a smile, not responding in the desired way due to social anxiety.

"Creep" is synonymous with 'sex offender' to most people, so it's unfortunate that it's being used as a casual insult.

Not smiling/not responding a certain way are not behaviours I would associate with creepiness at all. Its a little severe to label a guy as creepy simply for being shy or awkward or nervous.

Indeed I was referring to men whose behaviour made me worry for my own safety. Stalking, staring at my body and not making eye contact, being vulgar, asking me about my sex life before getting to know me well enough, making comments about my body in a sexual way...these are what I consider creepy.

I hope its clear now that its not a casual insult.

 

[SofiasMami]

What's the most trivial thing a man can do to be called a creep?

Deliberately avoiding eye contact. It makes me think they are hiding something.
Overtly sexual comments lobbed while I'm out in public minding my own business - that's creepy too.
Also, a strange man lavishing attention on my young daughter would make me wary.

-Teresa

 

[ardour]

Deliberately avoiding eye contact. It makes me think they are hiding something.

That's a pretty minor thing to consider a man a creep over.

I often don't make consistent eye contact with people I don't know that well, partly due to nervousness, partly because I don't want look like I have a particular interest in them. The fact that I could be labelled a creep for something like that is quite depressing.