What's a painful truth you've had to swallow?

[user 188644]

I can't tell you how much I'm afraid of this, myself.

I'm afraid I'll just never figure out the right interests, skills, thoughts and ideas, ways of talking and carrying myself, what kind of character to be, how my mind works and sees things, and whatever else I need that I might not even know about, to be more than that.

I think you can. When you're "weird" people aren't necessarily offput because they think you're strangling cats in the basement. Although please don't do that. They're likely more confused or even intimidated. If you make a joke or reference they don't get they may get defensive because they feel dumb. There's like a weird social pressure to know everything. I feel like you don't have to be good at socializing you just have to be sincere and try. My step dad is literally a jabbering fool but people are just way too polite to tell him to shut up and then he ends up making some people laugh and other like him. I think it's just way more important to be warm and sincere. And then ya know just play the odds lol. The more you try the more chances you have to succeed.

 

[dan27]

Everything good in my life , is just temporary...

 

[insecure]

I just realised that I also have some issues that are physical, and not just psychological.
Not sure if this can be solved .
Don't know if I can cope with this.

 

[user 188685]

the world is so f up and is going further and further to hell every day.

 

[VanillaCreme]

That I'm actually doing this on my own.

 

[TheRealCallie]

That I'm actually doing this on my own.

I'm always around if you need to vent

 

[imsopices1]

Most painful truth is I am molested by my own family members.i got cpstd and no friends.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's really frustrating to both be "not OK", and also have to worry about money.

I don't know who I am, I'm not good at anything, and I don't know how to talk in the right way to be attractive. I don't do smooth talk, teasing, sarcasm, and flirting/sexual innuendo. I don't think in those terms. It doesn't occur to me naturally to think that way, I just don't see things that way, my mind doesn't work like that.

I also couldn't get away with acting like that even if I did, because I'm not good at anything or successful at anything, and don't even have the macho body and personality, which is how a lot of other guys who aren't particularly successful/good at things/have hobbies or anything that would make them interesting or respectable, manage to fudge their way around it. Even if I knew how to talk that way and wanted to (I don't), it would be seen as gross, not attractive, because I'm not strong and don't even appear to be.

I feel like I'm a zero. I guess biologically, I should be edged out. It's evil to me because it's happening to me. I guess I wasn't born with enough of the right stuff. But I want a normal life anyway, damn it. Not this ******* forever singledom ********. Knowing why this works the way it does, isn't any consolation. I want a life, not just distractions.

It's like if you don't have money to begin with, how are you supposed to figure things out that you don't know instinctively? It takes time and I'm not going to understand these things if I never have the time or energy to be able to think through them until I understand them. For some reason or another I didn't just know these things instinctively, but if I don't get to figure them out, then I'm just going to make the same mistakes over and over because even though I know they are mistakes now, I still don't know what to do instead, and how to do it.

But it's like, when am I supposed to figure this stuff out? When I'm mentally tired as hell from forcing myself to do things I have zero interest in all day, and can't even think real thoughts?

I feel like I'll never be able to figure it out. Or sometimes I think it doesn't matter anyway, even if I did have time to figure it out, because I feel like I wasn't born with enough potential/ability to make my life into anything. And that just makes me uninterested in anything because nothing is going to make me OK with that. So I'm never going to be able to be interesting and attractive no matter what I do.

Maybe I'm just catastrophizing again and not thinking clearly right now. I don't know.

 

[4No1]

^ I feel smth very ckose that.
No matter how hard I try, I never become better, only worse(years work against me) . And I don't feel like trying anymore, I just never will be good enough for anything.

 

[Finished]

the world is so f up and is going further and further to hell every day.

Pretty flower to make you smile?

 

[Finished]

Most painful truth is I am molested by my own family members.i got cpstd and no friends.

I'm sorry about that.
Welcome to the forum.

 

[user 188685]

Pretty flower to make you smile?

Thanks Finished,love it

 

[user 188685]

Most painful truth is I am molested by my own family members.i got cpstd and no friends.

I'm so sorry to hear this,welcome to the forum,I hope you find some comfort here.

 

[Bam111]

There are many of them but the one that I had recently had to swallow over the last four years.

the death of my 21-year-old brother who I raised and treated like a son, that day before he passed away, he was facing go to jail for a couple of years before that he was arrested on drug charges he told me "Bro I'd rather die than go back to prison" and that's what he did before that he reached out to me he was partying I could tell at the time I was trying to recover from drugs and seeking to make my life better I still remember his last words as I told him I couldn't come he said "ok bro I love you I'll save you a visitors spot to see me." later on that night he overdosed at his so called best friend's house on the floor while his friend was passed out off zanie pills he choked to death trying to puke up the drugs. Later on that night I was told he passed away from my uncle I never speak to. I lived with the regret what if I was there for four years of intense Psychiatic therapy, medication, occasional suicidal visits to the hospital.

 

[user 188685]

There are many of them but the one that I had recently had to swallow over the last four years.

the death of my 21-year-old brother who I raised and treated like a son, that day before he passed away, he was facing go to jail for a couple of years before that he was arrested on drug charges he told me "Bro I'd rather die than go back to prison" and that's what he did before that he reached out to me he was partying I could tell at the time I was trying to recover from drugs and seeking to make my life better I still remember his last words as I told him I couldn't come he said "ok bro I love you I'll save you a visitors spot to see me." later on that night he overdosed at his so called best friend's house on the floor while his friend was passed out off zanie pills he choked to death trying to puke up the drugs. Later on that night I was told he passed away from my uncle I never speak to. I lived with the regret what if I was there for four years of intense Psychiatic therapy, medication, occasional suicidal visits to the hospital.

I'm so sorry

 

[Bam111]

I'm so sorry

I don't wish anyone to have to part with someone they care dearly for but in my life, It helped me to seek the proper treatment I needed for so long and set me on the path I am on today to try and help others. It's like he is watching over me now guiding me toward a purpose I feel and when or if I ever have a son, I will name him after his uncle in memory of my baby brother.

 

[imsopices1]

I'm so sorry to hear this,welcome to the forum,I hope you find some comfort here.

Thank you.i couldn't get notifications, so i didn't even know people noticed my post.I'm slowly learning about this platform.Have a lovely day to you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

50 shades of grey aside… I’ll always be the girl people love to punish… no matter what people will always find a reason to hate me

 

[Finished]

50 shades of grey aside… I’ll always be the girl people love to punish… no matter what people will always find a reason to hate me

I'll never hate you even though you look fuzzy to me.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'll never hate you even though you look fuzzy to me.

Supposed to be like paranormal activity i’m empty grave girl after all