Why don't women ever approach men?

[MadMonkè]

Girls approach guys all the time.

The problem is guys are too dumb to catch on.... guys are dumb often.
Sorry girls... really.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Girls approach guys all the time.

The problem is guys are too dumb to catch on.... guys are dumb often.
Sorry girls... really.

I had to LOL at that.

 

[9006]

If you mean in terms of flirtatious interest I don't know if it's the same universally, but here, it's not the 'social norm' (Whatever that may be) to do so, otherwise, the woman is either considered desperate, "sad", easy, or even intimidating.

These are not my opinions. (in case someone wanted to cause a riot)

I wouldn't actually mind a woman to initiate this, in fact, I find confident and forward women attractive... Eve

 

[Mike413]

I'm sorry I just disagree with much that has been said. Even if it is safer for a man to approach a woman and not the other way around that wouldn't apply to the internet. Women seem just as shy and reluctant to approach a man on the internet as they do in real life. I don't get that either.

---

[Approaching someone can be as simple as being in a line with them waiting from something and striking up a conversation.]

I suppose but even that doesn't really happen to me. Plus it doesn't count if she has a boyfriend. It really depends on what her intent is. If she is using the small talk as a way to get to know me then sure but that definitely doesn't happen. I don't expect it to either I'm just saying it doesn't happen. I've had women say hi to me when I'm in a parking lot or in the park or something but "hi" barely constitutes as approaching. Also, one time in the park a few years ago some cute girl waved at me. That has never happened before. I suppose I just figured she mistook me for someone else but that could have been a cue to approach her. I didn't though. Oh well. Lol.

 

[EveWasFramed]

If you mean in terms of flirtatious interest I don't know if it's the same universally, but here, it's not the 'social norm' (Whatever that may be) to do so, otherwise, the woman is either considered desperate, "sad", easy, or even intimidating.

These are not my opinions. (in case someone wanted to cause a riot)

I wouldn't actually mind a woman to initiate this, in fact, I find confident and forward women attractive... Eve

LOL. :shy:

And I agree with what you said also.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Because sometimes it backfires on us....

 

[defenestrate]

Let me ask you something different.
Are you frustrated?
Do you just want to vent about things?

Sometimes we just need people there for us to be supportive and listen. Do you want to talk about things? I'm not, and will never be, any sort of professional. I'm just someone whose lonely no different from anyone else here. Sometimes having other people to talk about things helps the way we feel. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[9006]

Girls approach guys all the time.

The problem is guys are too dumb to catch on.... guys are dumb often.
Sorry girls... really.

In most cases, they send complex, mixed signals, that leaves the guy unsure. Then in modern society, you get the guy who doesn't want to look stupid, and the girl who doesn't want to make it too obvious.

So I'd say it's 50/50.

 

[Dissident]

I don't think sending vague mixed messages should count simply because there are also a lot of women who flirt and that sort of thing for the attention or to have their egos stroked.

 

[Susana]

Hi Mike, I'll give you a simple answer as to why the majority of woman don't approach men. First of all most woman would like to approach men and take the first step however, there are a few reasons as to why they don't. Psychologically most woman are brought up in an environment where it's taught to us to not approach men because if you do, you are seen as a b**** (you know what). It's more appropriate for woman to rather stand back and allow the men to make the first move. Secondly, whether some woman will admit it or not, we are not the ''hunters'' and would rather be the ''hunted''! We see being ''hunted'' , so to speck, as a challenge. Thirdly, we don't want to seem desperate for a man - making the first move could at times indicate that we are desperate and that is a no no!
These are just a few reasons but it's not to say that it applies to every woman as we are all different and we have all been brought-up in different environments.
Hope this answers your question directly ...

 

[Dissident]

That seems rather misandrist.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

This is more like "When men don't want women to approach them...."

 

[EveWasFramed]

Secondly, whether some woman will admit it or not, we are not the ''hunters'' and would rather be the ''hunted''! We see being ''hunted'' , so to speck, as a challenge.

I don't consider being "hunted" a challenge, more the other way around.
Maybe I'm just different from "most women." (hmm)

 

[VanillaCreme]

Secondly, whether some woman will admit it or not, we are not the ''hunters'' and would rather be the ''hunted''! We see being ''hunted'' , so to speck, as a challenge.

I don't consider being "hunted" a challenge, more the other way around.
Maybe I'm just different from "most women." (hmm)

I must be different too, because I'd go out there with my satchel of rope and my spear, and hunt a mofo down. Tie his feet together and drag him back to my den.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

So we've got two things going on here, that aren't being said.

We have the OP who wonders why women never ask men (him). Some people are attractive and get asked, some don't. Simple as that. I've never been asked either, except once by another guy (told him no, since I was totally off guard with being asked for a change, and I usually prefer women though I didn't tell him that lest I hurt his feelings).

And we've got women who have apparently signed up for equal rights and all, but still have the same backward notions about being pursued. Guess what? The only people who are still into that are the ******* wife-beater traditionalists who expect you to love, honor, and especially obey. Or nerdy creepy types, that you would wish have the sense not to pursue you (but having no experience with women, don't know better). The rest of the population of men is still waiting for you to make the first move. And waiting... and waiting.... So figure out what you want already.

 

[ardour]

And we've got women who have apparently signed up for equal rights and all, but still have the same backward notions about being pursued. Guess what? The only people who are still into that are the ******* wife-beater traditionalists who expect you to love, honor, and especially obey. Or nerdy creepy types, that you would wish have the sense not to pursue you (but having no experience with women, don't know better). The rest of the population of men is still waiting for you to make the first move. And waiting... and waiting.... So figure out what you want already.

Those women want the ego boost of being chased without any appreciation of the risk involved for men in the current state of society.

If an otherwise shy or just plain unattractive man expresses an interest in the opposite sex he is likely to be labeled a creep.

A lot of decent guys just won't do it, or won't to the extent that women think they should. Result: nobody ends up getting what they want.

 

[Mike413]

So we've got two things going on here, that aren't being said.

We have the OP who wonders why women never ask men (him). Some people are attractive and get asked, some don't. Simple as that. I've never been asked either, except once by another guy (told him no, since I was totally off guard with being asked for a change, and I usually prefer women though I didn't tell him that lest I hurt his feelings).

And we've got women who have apparently signed up for equal rights and all, but still have the same backward notions about being pursued. Guess what? The only people who are still into that are the ******* wife-beater traditionalists who expect you to love, honor, and especially obey. Or nerdy creepy types, that you would wish have the sense not to pursue you (but having no experience with women, don't know better). The rest of the population of men is still waiting for you to make the first move. And waiting... and waiting.... So figure out what you want already.

I don't think it's all about being "attractive." Sure, it has something to do with it but I don't think that's the whole story. I am attractive but I don't have social circles and don't go out a lot and can appear awkward to some people. I think if you are too good looking a lot of women will think you are arrogant, self absorbed, a player and stuck up and won't approach you for those reasons. I don't think I am any of those though. I just think your average man regardless of how he looks does not get approached on any given day.

I plan on going out a lot in the next few months. I'll report back here and say if any women do indeed approach me even if it's a "hey, there" or "hi" or whatever.

But the thing about being attractive is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Let's not forget that.

 

[Mike413]

Secondly, whether some woman will admit it or not, we are not the ''hunters'' and would rather be the ''hunted''! We see being ''hunted'' , so to speck, as a challenge.

I don't consider being "hunted" a challenge, more the other way around.
Maybe I'm just different from "most women." (hmm)

You are rare then. Most women don't want to put themselves out there and face possible rejection.

I say as a woman do both. Let men approach you and if you like them just go with it but also approach them if you want.

The truth is nobody likes rejection but if someone rejects me or acts disinterested then fine. They are doing me a favor by not wasting my time but they are probably not really my type any way.

Some women on here seem to keep saying that a woman shouldn't approach because it's not safe. That just depends on how you do it. I think as a woman you should probably do it in a much more indirect way if you are going to approach. Most men make the mistake of being too indirect "hey, what's the time?""Do you brush your teeth first or floss first?""Hey, can I ask your opinion....etc." With a woman it's ok because no guy is going to think you just want sex if you approach him in a friendly way. It's all about how you do it. He's a man. If he's interested in you he will probably take the lead and pursue it with you.

 

[AutumgGypsy]

I don't ever approach men (strangers), but I definitely don't expect them to approach me either. It's uncomfortable and usually very awkward. It's a different story if I know someone through a friend, see them often (at a workplace or something similar), and we are at least acquaintances. Then I don't see why a woman wouldn't make the first move, and a lot of the time we do (I have). But I would never, ever, ever walk up to someone in say a bar and strike up a conversation. But I'm a lot more wary of strangers than the average person.

 

[Mike413]

[Secondly, whether some woman will admit it or not, we are not the ''hunters'' and would rather be the ''hunted''! ]


Is this where the term lady killer comes from? Seriously though I think of hunting as going after something for food. Maybe in the cave man days when a man would go after a wooly mammoth or some other animal with a spear or whatever then go hit a woman on the head with a club then drag her back to his cave(assuming he had some nice cave paintings to show her after she woke up or after they did it ). I've heard that before but the hunting thing applied to the courtship process doesn't make all that much sense to me. If you mean that men go after women because they are more dominant and it's more aligned with their biological instinct to pursue something rather than be pursued(which would also apply to hunting)then that would be something that would make more sense. Maybe I'm taking the term "hunting" too literally.