A jaguarundi guide to finding someone

[jaguarundi]

Quit chit chatting with Child and start typing up the next instalment .... hehe

Thank-you grackle for that timely reminder!! Actually I am working-off line on the next bit even as we speak, but I am having issues with the rabid weasels (weasels, huh? Should have guessed).

Also to be fair this morning I was beginning to wonder - why bother? I spent a ton of money on 5 years of psychoanalysis, and then a ton more on several years of cognitive behavioural training and workshops and also on a diploma in psychology. To say nothing of a shelf full of books. I even got just about everything I needed to be a fully paid-up registered psychotherapist... one more year and I was in, baby. (In case you are wondering why I gave up, I had a very highly paid career and decided I didn't want to give up a lifestyle I would never be able to afford otherwise.)

So why just not let you all work it out for yourselves?

'Cos I'm not a quitter. I started, so I will finish..... if not, then how can I ever tell any of you 'try - don't give up?' Also - I like youse guys... and if I can help, I will.

 

[Grackle]

Having others poo-poo good intentions does produce a 'why bother' response but I feel the majority of people here actually would like to get on with life. Any help or suggestions for how to do that is greatly appreciated.

 

[Tulip23]

I second Grackle's thoughts.
I know there are many people on here that would welcome your input and help.
So do not give up and hurry up with the next bit as I'm dying to read it

 

[TheSkaFish]

Saw these guys lurking outside my window...yowza!

 

[Tulip23]

Skafish that is so funny

 

[jaguarundi]

You think they look mean there? Those weasels weren't even rabid!! Imagine them with red eyes, and frothing at the mouth...

 

[WildernessWildChild]

Maybe this thread should get tagged as essential reading

 

[Tulip23]

is this rabid enough not quite frothing at the mouth but looks pretty mean

 

[jaguarundi]

is this rabid enough not quite frothing at the mouth but looks pretty mean

Oh yeah.... Those are the bunnies I'm talking about!!!

---

Before I post the next instalment in two or three days (patience children), lets have a recap and follow-up.

Tip one was about being prepared to move out of your comfort zone. The example I used was merely that, - it isn't just about going to different places to meet members of the opposite ***, although it could be.

~I think we saw from Eve's post that she stepped outside her zone on just one tiny thing - which was a height requirement for a potential partner - moved it down by one inch - and doubled her dating site replies.

~We also saw (maybe) that another poster has a life he is in fact quite comfortable with. Too comfortable to step out of his zone for the sake of a partner, anyway. And who knows, her may find someone, even so. Good luck to him, whatever he choses.

~Nicole - steady on there lass - is becoming a 'new experience' junkie. Even if she doesn't find anyone, she might have some fantastic times, a more positive attitude and some interesting things to talk about to a potential mate.

~Grackle - thought of something to try that is doable and has win/win benefits. It may be difficult to get out there and do something when you have social anxiety/shyness issues, but trying something and sticking to it will increase self confidence.

~Teresa - decided that she was happy in her zone, as it were. And as far as I can see has never complained about her choice, and that is absolutely fine!

~Me - despite two nights terrible sleep due to nerves, (they won't like me, I won't fit in etc') went to a 'Ladies Lunch' met some new people, and expanded my chance of making a few new friends, and had a nice meal. We are having another one on 11th April. I may have had a ton of therapy, but I still have my off moments!!

~Batman55 - has intimated that he has problems which make it (one assumes) impossible to do anything different. As I don't know what the problems are, there isn't much I can say to help. Maybe we will learn more from him about this, maybe not, if he doesn't want to say, that's ok. All I can say is that some obstacles require professional attention. But I will say this - even one little thing, one tiny move outside the comfort zone, can be a good thing.

Because THE COMFORT ZONE IS A TRAP. It may be nice, it may be cozy, but another name for it is A RUT....... The longer you stay in it, the harder it can be to get out of it. And that is fine - if you are happy there and really do not want to increase your chances of love/friendship/companionship - whatever. If that is the case, recognise it, and learn to be happy with it. You are likely going to be there a long time.

But if you could do something different, and you don't - at the end of the day you only have yourself to blame. And if you only try once, and it goes a bit wrong - ditto, really. You have to try and try. And try again. Practice really does make perfect. I know. I've been there..

ps Skafish - I ain't forgetting you. Your star feature is coming later.... mwha ha ha gurgle mutter mutter aargh aargh get that rabid weasel off my leg... Union? rabid weasel union? Bring on the bottled dog farts while we negotiate. Sheesh !! !weasels - what was I thinking

 

[Triple Bogey]

is this rabid enough not quite frothing at the mouth but looks pretty mean

Oh yeah.... Those are the bunnies I'm talking about!!!

---

Before I post the next instalment in two or three days (patience children), lets have a recap and follow-up.

Tip one was about being prepared to move out of your comfort zone. The example I used was merely that, - it isn't just about going to different places to meet members of the opposite ***, although it could be.

~I think we saw from Eve's post that she stepped outside her zone on just one tiny thing - which was a height requirement for a potential partner - moved it down by one inch - and doubled her dating site replies.

~We also saw (maybe) that another poster has a life he is in fact quite comfortable with. Too comfortable to step out of his zone for the sake of a partner, anyway. And who knows, her may find someone, even so. Good luck to him, whatever he choses.

~Nicole - steady on there lass - is becoming a 'new experience' junkie. Even if she doesn't find anyone, she might have some fantastic times, a more positive attitude and some interesting things to talk about to a potential mate.

~Grackle - thought of something to try that is doable and has win/win benefits. It may be difficult to get out there and do something when you have social anxiety/shyness issues, but trying something and sticking to it will increase self confidence.

~Teresa - decided that she was happy in her zone, as it were. And as far as I can see has never complained about her choice, and that is absolutely fine!

~Me - despite two nights terrible sleep due to nerves, (they won't like me, I won't fit in etc') went to a 'Ladies Lunch' met some new people, and expanded my chance of making a few new friends, and had a nice meal. We are having another one on 11th April. I may have had a ton of therapy, but I still have my off moments!!

~Batman55 - has intimated that he has problems which make it (one assumes) impossible to do anything different. As I don't know what the problems are, there isn't much I can say to help. Maybe we will learn more from him about this, maybe not, if he doesn't want to say, that's ok. All I can say is that some obstacles require professional attention. But I will say this - even one little thing, one tiny move outside the comfort zone, can be a good thing.

Because THE COMFORT ZONE IS A TRAP. It may be nice, it may be cozy, but another name for it is A RUT....... The longer you stay in it, the harder it can be to get out of it. And that is fine - if you are happy there and really do not want to increase your chances of love/friendship/companionship - whatever. If that is the case, recognise it, and learn to be happy with it. You are likely going to be there a long time.

But if you could do something different, and you don't - at the end of the day you only have yourself to blame. And if you only try once, and it goes a bit wrong - ditto, really. You have to try and try. And try again. Practice really does make perfect. I know. I've been there..

ps Skafish - I ain't forgetting you. Your star feature is coming later.... mwha ha ha gurgle mutter mutter aargh aargh get that rabid weasel off my leg... Union? rabid weasel union? Bring on the bottled dog farts while we negotiate. Sheesh !! !weasels - what was I thinking

---

am I 'that other poster' ?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Skafish that is so funny

Glad you liked them

 

[FreedomFromLiberty]

This thread has really derailed. When's the next installment going to be?

I wanna see if jaguarundi has any aces up her sleeve.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I daren't read it !

I'm too chicken !

 

[Batman55]

Having others poo-poo good intentions does produce a 'why bother' response but I feel the majority of people here actually would like to get on with life. Any help or suggestions for how to do that is greatly appreciated.

If you are looking at me, or if anyone else is looking at me, you are looking at the wrong person. If that's not enough for you, if you still think I'm being some immature little prick out to cause mischief for someone who wants to help, then I can't say anything more than "I apologize." I'm entitled to fundamentally disagree that some kinds of advice are unlikely to help *some* folks on the individual level, and that is basically the point I have made.

This is not a thread about "making a new life" for oneself, either, it's a thread about finding a significant other. If I have thoughts about why it will be hard for someone like myself, or anyone else like me, etc, I don't see why it is off-topic or wrong to post them. I'm not encouraging anyone to quit improving, re-read my posts if you must, but no such thing was said!

 

[ardour]

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The next instalment of the jaguarundi guide to finding someone is currently under construction.


Batters, Fishy (or Battered Fish if you prefer) you have not been ignored. You may find the next post explains your questions.

In the meantime, a rabid weasel team has been dispatched to Illinois. Latest communique from them advised they are foaming nicely. They are under orders to watch and report only. You have been warned.....


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********************************************************​

Okay, you've sounded reasonable so far, but the next installment is where you lay the smackdown.

Let me make some suggestions:

Here you should tell us how much we need to better ourselves in order to even have smallest iota of hope with the opposite ***, how inadequate we must be at present.

Oh, it's a long road ahead, and we need to know that.

The onus for self-improvement, positive outlook and a kind of non-needy/no-attachment type attitude must be placed entirely on men. We must consistently be interesting, funny, upbeat, lest any frailty show through that would turn women off.

Our social skills or lack thereof need to be put under the spotlight; self-doubt or idiosyncrasies that fall outside the ideal are of course totally unacceptable.

In the end we'll feel crappier than ever, which is the point (because who wants these losers successfully fooling women into seeing them, I mean really, we're single for good reason)

I can PM you some more ideas if you like

 

[Grackle]

Having others poo-poo good intentions does produce a 'why bother' response but I feel the majority of people here actually would like to get on with life. Any help or suggestions for how to do that is greatly appreciated.

If you are looking at me, or if anyone else is looking at me, you are looking at the wrong person. If that's not enough for you, if you still think I'm being some immature little prick out to cause mischief for someone who wants to help, then I can't say anything more than "I apologize." I'm entitled to fundamentally disagree that some kinds of advice are unlikely to help *some* folks on the individual level, and that is basically the point I have made.

This is not a thread about "making a new life" for oneself, either, it's a thread about finding a significant other. If I have thoughts about why it will be hard for someone like myself, or anyone else like me, etc, I don't see why it is off-topic or wrong to post them. I'm not encouraging anyone to quit improving, re-read my posts if you must, but no such thing was said!

I wasn't thinking of you, pumpkin.

 

[jaguarundi]

^ Nor was I - my opinion is that Batman55 is really trying to get his head around things, even if he feels this thread is not for him.

OK I have some spring cleaning to get on with today. Tomorrow I am out for a really belated birthday lunch with a friend(not so much having a birth day as a birth season!).

Next instalment on target for Thursday. Bottled dog flatulence plus flying-monkey deployment system is ready while I sort the weasels out. It seems skafish's picture of weasels in trousers with weapons has led to a call for unionisation, and an end to foaming rabidness. Negotiations continue...

 

[SofiasMami]

^ Oh yeah WWC, Teresa and some of you other posters. I hope you know when I say 'why bother to read the thread, or post,' I am not meaning you, or anyone else who has something helpful, positive or (god help me for saying this) actually amusing to say to the topic, even if they themselves do not seek a mate.

And WWC - you know very well that's what I meant, you, you... wild child you!:club:

I enjoy your posts and often find myself nodding in agreement
Maybe because I grew up in the northeast of the US where people are used to bluntly speaking their minds! Not like where I live now. Are you sure you're not from New York or somewhere thereabouts?

I may not be looking for a partner now but I'm not dead. I still like people, despite being introverted. Someday after my kiddo is raised, I may look again. And then I can look back on this thread for tips!

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

********************************************************
********************************************************

The next instalment of the jaguarundi guide to finding someone is currently under construction.


Batters, Fishy (or Battered Fish if you prefer) you have not been ignored. You may find the next post explains your questions.

In the meantime, a rabid weasel team has been dispatched to Illinois. Latest communique from them advised they are foaming nicely. They are under orders to watch and report only. You have been warned.....


********************************************************
********************************************************​

Okay, you've sounded reasonable so far, but the next installment is where you lay the smackdown.

Let me make some suggestions:

Here you should tell us how much we need to better ourselves in order to even have smallest iota of hope with the opposite ***, how inadequate we must be at present.

Oh, it's a long road ahead, and we need to know that.

The onus for self-improvement, positive outlook and a kind of non-needy/no-attachment type attitude must be placed entirely on men. We must consistently be interesting, funny, upbeat, lest any frailty show through that would turn women off.

Our social skills or lack thereof need to be put under the spotlight; self-doubt or idiosyncrasies that fall outside the ideal are of course totally unacceptable.

In the end we'll feel crappier than ever, which is the point (because who wants these losers successfully fooling woman into seeing them, I mean really, we're single for good reason)

I can PM you some more ideas if you like

OK, Jag...I've redirected the weasels. They will be needing the exact coordinates.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Laser guided weasels? From space?