Are fat people allowed to have standards?

[4No1]

Question: Would you date someone who you aren't attracted to just to be with anyone rather than no one?

Never again, it's a dead end. I've tried.

 

[MrLifeWarriorDad]

Everyone has their standard when it comes to attraction. It’s like the saying Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In my opinion, there is no such thing as love at first sight love is something that takes time to develop. Can someone who is not the prettiest or the fittest attract someone who is pretty or fat maybe. We don’t know the variables of the 2 people. If we base it based on society, then no it’s not possible.

 

[WillPower]

Lots of interesting thoughts and comments on here.

As I said, I'm a short slim skinny weakling and my body shape is far from what would be considered as attractive, due to disability. I've never been in a relationship, (not that I have tried to get into one), but should I be expected to lower any standards that I have if I were to go out looking for one, not be top picky and just accept what ever I can get, or do these rules only apply to overweight people?

Maybe overweight/underweight/disabled people arn't deemed as being attractive, (I think attractions is a different issue), but is doesn't mean that anyone should drop any standards that they have just to be with someone. If that is the case, then I rather remain single than putting up being treated like crap just to be with someone.

Well, not saying that you should lower your standards in that you should be in a relationship with someone who treats you like crap. But like, say you are only attracted to someone you deem as a 10 in the looks department. But you are fat and most people would view you as a 3 in looks. But you only go after people who are 10's. And you have never been able to get someone because of this. In this case, are you saying you would like never date someone you consider an 8 in looks just to be with someone? You would rather be single your whole life if you can never get a 10?

Question: Would you date someone who you aren't attracted to just to be with anyone rather than no one?

I don't think I would go that far. But I am in the same boat as some other folks on here. I'm 30 and have never been able to get a relationship. I don't think I am super picky, but I like attractive women (8-10 range). Problem is, I haven't found any woman in this range who likes me back. No, I wouldn't lower my standards to someone I consider a 1 and I have no attraction to at all. But would I lower it to a 6? To someone I am semi-attracted to, but isn't my dream girl? Who knows? The older and older I get with little to no success, the more I would consider it.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

I think you can technically have any standards you want but you can't really complain if a member of the opposite sex isn't overweight and doesn't want to date people who are.

Tbh, I just find it kinda hypocritical how people like Lizzo seem to push this narrative of 'body positivity' for women but when you look at her dance videos all the male dancers seem to be in shape and I think I've only ever seen her go on one date with a guy roughly as overweight as her. It makes it seem like it's just "body positivy for me but not for ye."

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I thought I'd let this thread marinate a little, to anyone offended by this question.... sorry? I

Well, not saying that you should lower your standards in that you should be in a relationship with someone who treats you like crap. But like, say you are only attracted to someone you deem as a 10 in the looks department. But you are fat and most people would view you as a 3 in looks. But you only go after people who are 10's. And you have never been able to get someone because of this. In this case, are you saying you would like never date someone you consider an 8 in looks just to be with someone? You would rather be single your whole life if you can never get a 10?



I don't think I would go that far. But I am in the same boat as some other folks on here. I'm 30 and have never been able to get a relationship. I don't think I am super picky, but I like attractive women (8-10 range). Problem is, I haven't found any woman in this range who likes me back. No, I wouldn't lower my standards to someone I consider a 1 and I have no attraction to at all. But would I lower it to a 6? To someone I am semi-attracted to, but isn't my dream girl? Who knows? The older and older I get with little to no success, the more I would consider it.

Ah interesting, I haven't got a middle scale I just have a yes or noooo but it's interesting when people have this middle ground.

I think you can technically have any standards you want but you can't really complain if a member of the opposite sex isn't overweight and doesn't want to date people who are.

Tbh, I just find it kinda hypocritical how people like Lizzo seem to push this narrative of 'body positivity' for women but when you look at her dance videos all the male dancers seem to be in shape and I think I've only ever seen her go on one date with a guy roughly as overweight as her. It makes it seem like it's just "body positivy for me but not for ye."

I dont think anyone should complain about anyone not wanting to date anyone but thats the society we live in lol If a man said he didn't wanna date idk... girls who wear hair extensions but wore some his self or lived in hats, I wouldn't then shame him for that, it's his choice what he wants lol maybe he wants his offspring to have a chance at a full head of hair who knows....

Instead of everyone blending and merging every single movement, why dont a male version of Lizzo top the charts for men? There was overweight men in the music industry Fat Joe, Pitbull... for some examples. why didn't they have other overweight women in their videos? Maybe because its not what their audience wants to see...

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

Instead of everyone blending and merging every single movement, why dont a male version of Lizzo top the charts for men? There was overweight men in the music industry Fat Joe, Pitbull... for some examples. why didn't they have other overweight women in their videos? Maybe because its not what their audience wants to see...

Maybe cos those two guys weren't really associated with body positivity ideology in the way that Lizzo is in the first place? And I don't think we'll see a male version of Lizzo because body positivity around weight seems to be more of a femalecentric thing. That is a bit of a generalization but I really don't see that many overweight men hoping on the body positivity train. A fat guy is never really regarded as "plus size" anyway, he's just seen as fat.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Maybe cos those two guys weren't really associated with body positivity ideology in the way that Lizzo is in the first place? And I don't think we'll see a male version of Lizzo because body positivity around weight seems to be more of a femalecentric thing. That is a bit of a generalization but I really don't see that many overweight men hoping on the body positivity train. A fat guy is never really regarded as "plus size" anyway, he's just seen as fat.

But so was women, until they made a movement, so it's mens turn... make ya movement lol I dont understand why they wanna just ride on Lizzos coattails when men have been her biggest barrier and constantly body shame her.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

But so was women, until they made a movement, so it's mens turn... make ya movement lol I dont understand why they wanna just ride on Lizzos coattails when men have been her biggest barrier and constantly body shame her.

That's kind of the point though. Most men don't really want to turn overweightness into something to be celebrated or whatever. Funnily enough I think I've seen just as many negative comments about her from other women.

I don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this honestly so let's just leave it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's kind of the point though. Most men don't really want to turn overweightness into something to be celebrated or whatever. Funnily enough I think I've seen just as many negative comments about her from other women.

I don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this honestly so let's just leave it.

But at the same time you are complaining that being overweight as a man is not celebrated? I don't get it. and we won't see eye to eye because frankly... you're wrong and you dont wanna admit it, lets be honest it's not men fuelling her career, its women. That's just a fact. But because a handful of women dislike her too, you want to make out that just as much women don't like her as men... when we both know that is not true lol but thanks for replying anyway was nice to hear a mans perspective.

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

But at the same time you are complaining that being overweight as a man is not celebrated? I don't get it. and we won't see eye to eye because frankly... you're wrong and you dont wanna admit it, lets be honest it's not men fuelling her career, its women. That's just a fact. But because a handful of women dislike her too, you want to make out that just as much women don't like her as men... when we both know that is not true lol but thanks for replying anyway was nice to hear a mans perspective.

Um...No? I never complained about that anywhere and I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that I was. I said I thought it was a bit hypocritical *for Lizzo* to always have ripped male dancers and that it created a "body positivity for me but not for me" vibe. Never said overweight men should start their own body positivity movement at all, I was trying to point out to you how hypocritical women like Lizzo are because they expect men to take them at their size but won't date men at a similar size to them themselves. Clearly I'm not wrong and you like supporting a hypocrite for some reason.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Um...No? I never complained about that anywhere and I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that I was. I said I thought it was a bit hypocritical *for Lizzo* to always have ripped male dancers and that it created a "body positivity for me but not for me" vibe. Never said overweight men should start their own body positivity movement at all, I was trying to point out to you how hypocritical women like Lizzo are because they expect men to take them at their size but won't date men at a similar size to them themselves. Clearly I'm not wrong and you like supporting a hypocrite for some reason.

I see nothing hypocritical about wanting to date someone you wanna date... I dont understand that whole concept. I expect men to date me wearing dresses, I wouldn't date a man in a dress am I a hypocrite to? Like please explain this side of the argument to me, it makes my head itch with confusion, my brain is smoking out my ears lmao

 

[DeadDreamsWhispering]

I see nothing hypocritical about wanting to date someone you wanna date... I dont understand that whole concept. I expect men to date me wearing dresses, I wouldn't date a man in a dress am I a hypocrite to? Like please explain this side of the argument to me, it makes my head itch with confusion, my brain is smoking out my ears lmao

It's hypocritical because she's trying to redefine what men should find physically attractive in terms of weight but she doesn't even find the same thing attractive in men. If she isn't willing to look past overweightness in a man why should I have to accept that big girls can be beautiful?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My head still hurts, I just dont get it, I dont like anything I like about myself in a man, like I cant think of one thing lol I wouldn't want a man my height, my weight (would prefer him heavier) my shoe size just nothing... so I cant see how thats hypocritical honestly. But thanks for humouring me Deaddreams you're a real sport.

 

[howdidifindmyselfhere?]

Right, so maybe I mis-understood the original question. (sorry). So unless I am mistaken, what we seem to be asking is, should fat people, (which for some reason the world would rate as a 3 on this wonderful attractive scale), be attracted to people who are a lot higher up the scale, or just settle for someone on a lower level closer to them???

To me standards and attractiveness are two slightly different issues. While I am sure that most people have a "standard" that they don't want to be treated like crap in a relationship, when it comes to "attraction" one persons 3 maybe another persons 10 and vice versa.

You can't really help attraction, you are either physically drawn to someone or you are not. Just because you may be deemed by the world as a 3, doesn't mean that you shouldn't aim for a ten, why should you? That said, if you are only going to accept a 10 and nothing else then you really are narrowing down your field of finding someone that will accept you.

I'm no oil painting I know that and don't think that I would even appear on this attraction scale that seems to exist, (If you have any links to this scale of attractiveness that tells me what defines each level that would be great by the way).

I guess it all comes down to that old saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There is beauty in everything, and if you find it, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world rates it as.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Right, so maybe I mis-understood the original question. (sorry). So unless I am mistaken, what we seem to be asking is, should fat people, (which for some reason the world would rate as a 3 on this wonderful attractive scale), be attracted to people who are a lot higher up the scale, or just settle for someone on a lower level closer to them???

To me standards and attractiveness are two slightly different issues. While I am sure that most people have a "standard" that they don't want to be treated like crap in a relationship, when it comes to "attraction" one persons 3 maybe another persons 10 and vice versa.

You can't really help attraction, you are either physically drawn to someone or you are not. Just because you may be deemed by the world as a 3, doesn't mean that you shouldn't aim for a ten, why should you? That said, if you are only going to accept a 10 and nothing else then you really are narrowing down your field of finding someone that will accept you.

I'm no oil painting I know that and don't think that I would even appear on this attraction scale that seems to exist, (If you have any links to this scale of attractiveness that tells me what defines each level that would be great by the way).

I guess it all comes down to that old saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There is beauty in everything, and if you find it, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world rates it as.

Well said.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Right, so maybe I mis-understood the original question. (sorry). So unless I am mistaken, what we seem to be asking is, should fat people, (which for some reason the world would rate as a 3 on this wonderful attractive scale), be attracted to people who are a lot higher up the scale, or just settle for someone on a lower level closer to them???

To me standards and attractiveness are two slightly different issues. While I am sure that most people have a "standard" that they don't want to be treated like crap in a relationship, when it comes to "attraction" one persons 3 maybe another persons 10 and vice versa.

You can't really help attraction, you are either physically drawn to someone or you are not. Just because you may be deemed by the world as a 3, doesn't mean that you shouldn't aim for a ten, why should you? That said, if you are only going to accept a 10 and nothing else then you really are narrowing down your field of finding someone that will accept you.

I'm no oil painting I know that and don't think that I would even appear on this attraction scale that seems to exist, (If you have any links to this scale of attractiveness that tells me what defines each level that would be great by the way).

I guess it all comes down to that old saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". There is beauty in everything, and if you find it, it doesn't matter what the rest of the world rates it as.

Truthfully, there was a video that would give soo much context to what this question was about, but I'm a little mischievous and wanted to see how others would interpret what I meant with no guide or context.

So the thing about it is, standards were to do with looks and treatment, you should not expect a high value partner (so in looks and financial abilities, maybe even morals) if you are overweight, to expect that you are "delusional".... I wanted to know if that rhetoric was common among people or just some Youtube babble...

 

[TheRealCallie]

As for the hypocritical stuff between men and women being overweight, how many of the women who have championed body positivity have since slimmed down? Jennifer Lawrence said she loved herself as is and wasn't going to fall into the skinny thin **** the world projects. Same with Meghan Trainor. They are both pretty damn thin now, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know if lizzo will do it, but time will tell.

 

[TheRealCallie]

. I wanted to know if that rhetoric was common among people or just some Youtube babble...

I think it's only common among shallow people.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

As for the hypocritical stuff between men and women being overweight, how many of the women who have championed body positivity have since slimmed down? Jennifer Lawrence said she loved herself as is and wasn't going to fall into the skinny thin **** the world projects. Same with Meghan Trainor. They are both pretty damn thin now, if I'm not mistaken. I don't know if lizzo will do it, but time will tell.

Did they slim down to secure a man... is what I really want to know, as it might give this no standards thing some legs.

 

[howdidifindmyselfhere?]

Truthfully, there was a video that would give soo much context to what this question was about, but I'm a little mischievous and wanted to see how others would interpret what I meant with no guide or context.

So the thing about it is, standards were to do with looks and treatment, you should not expect a high value partner (so in looks and financial abilities, maybe even morals) if you are overweight, to expect that you are "delusional".... I wanted to know if that rhetoric was common among people or just some Youtube babble...

Fair enough, it's sometime good to be a little mischievous. However, it was a good question, but as said I deem standards as the way in which someone treats me, etc. For me, attraction is a completely different issue.