If your your an average guy, things suck, and theres nothing you can do

[NoxApex(N/A)]

My confusion with all of this is that I have honestly never known anyone like this male or female. I truly do not understand. Maybe because I am from a small town in the south. I know that I am not the only person to have seen a couple somewhere and thought ‘huh, wonder how those two ended up together?’ I have actually been with someone and when my sisters or friends first met him asked ‘****, how’d you land him?’ He was gorgeous, I am far from pretty. I have gone out with all types. I don’t discriminate based on anything. Which is why I can’t for the life of me figure out why this is such an issue. It is really bugging the honeysuckle out of me. I was told by one person that he knows his place. What the hell does that mean? I mean you have to play the game to have a shot a winning. Maybe that’s another reason I don’t understand, I’m competitive. I played sports. I wish just one person would tell me what they are looking for in a woman. I’ve asked several times but I never get an answer. So, here is a woman trying to talk and all I get...crickets. That tells me ok I’m not tangible enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not nice enough. I keep asking. What is it?

This actually kind of just inspired me for creative writing for a horror story or perceptual fictional narrative. I needed that idea, thank you.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I don't know about average men or if indeed they exist but there is an epidemic of isolated men. They are everywhere, there are probably a few living on your street. You see them when you go to the shops or when you get on the bus. Perhaps you don’t notice him, because his appearance blends perfectly into the dilapidated industrial background he inhabits. His clothes, like the buildings and once vibrant community, now look shoddy and unkempt. He lacks pride, purpose and meaning, you can see it in his eyes.

I crave solitude and it is often my first choice, I also know that the line between solitude and loneliness is fine and blurred at times. I have a few good friends and I choose to spend time in good company when I want to. I have a good level of self confidence and I have over many years by trial and error developed the ability to reach out when I feel a lacking in my life. I know I’m lucky to have this skill, it's invaluable and for me it was hard won through many years of struggle. I have observed that for many men this is a skill they are yet to develop.

See the thing is, I am really passionate about homeless people, I always give to the homeless, I volunteer, reason being is I am of Brazilian heritage and my biological family are from the real favelas. I am lucky to have been born in the UK and double lucky to have been adopted by a family of a certain class. I think when I hear "average men", they are talking about men who are average earners, but genuinely, my friends that are working class live a 50/50 lifestyle, they go to work and their partners work and they split bills, it all sounds very strange to me and unfair in ways but thats the way they say they are happy. Maybe the issue is the whole 50/50 thing isn't working for most average earners I just dont know...

 

[Finished]

I wish just one person would tell me what they are looking for in a woman. I’ve asked several times but I never get an answer. So, here is a woman trying to talk and all I get...crickets. That tells me ok I’m not tangible enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not nice enough. I keep asking. What is it?

I've thoroughly explained my situation on this site a couple years ago. But, no matter what I said about my feelings or experiences they were mostly discounted. Some said I was making excuses and complaining. But, I actively tried to get a girlfriend at that time period. More then anything I wanted companionship and I wasn't picky. But I kept hitting real walls.

I looked good on paper. But, not so much in real life. That may sound like an excuse. But, it's not. We all instantly judge each other. It's instinctual. Then we use our frontal lubes to make decision based on that. If there is nothing else to judge then it's solely based on looks. So, I failed miserable using only my appearances. I asked others to hook me up. But, they couldn't no matter how wonderful they were told that I was.

However, I was occationally successful when women got a chance to get to know me. They saw that I had other great qualities. So, that meant some type of forced interaction such as at a workplace. Nearly all my past girlfriends were with women I worked with. Surprise! So, I used that as best I could.

I've asked women out well over 100 times, while out and about, using various methods and I've NEVER gotten a yes. The only things they can base that on is my appearances, how I come across, and what I say in those first crucial minutes. I've improved the last two. But, I can't change how I look. So, I do use my past experiences as an excuse not to ask a women out. I don't do it because it reminds me of all the past failures I had and many were bad, really bad.

Granted I'm older now and I believe looks aren't as important to older women. But, I still have that cringe thought about hearing another no. To be honest, if someone said yes to me now I really don't know what I would do. I don't leave my house unless I absolutely have to. Thinking about going to a restaurant, coffee shop, or anywhere just causes me grief. Besides I've really gotten comfortable being alone.

Oh, I guess I should say what I'm looking for in a women: Pre 60, preferrably aged 20 - 42.5 (ha! Ha!), Slim/skinny, 4'10" to 5'10", healthy, fit, similar attractiveness to me (4 out of 10) or better, honest, loyal, doesn't play mind games, says what they mean, likes outdoor activities, does NOT like crowds, drug free.

 

[Claudia1794]

I've thoroughly explained my situation on this site a couple years ago. But, no matter what I said about my feelings or experiences they were mostly discounted. Some said I was making excuses and complaining. But, I actively tried to get a girlfriend at that time period. More then anything I wanted companionship and I wasn't picky. But I kept hitting real walls.

I looked good on paper. But, not so much in real life. That may sound like an excuse. But, it's not. We all instantly judge each other. It's instinctual. Then we use our frontal lubes to make decision based on that. If there is nothing else to judge then it's solely based on looks. So, I failed miserable using only my appearances. I asked others to hook me up. But, they couldn't no matter how wonderful they were told that I was.

However, I was occationally successful when women got a chance to get to know me. They saw that I had other great qualities. So, that meant some type of forced interaction such as at a workplace. Nearly all my past girlfriends were with women I worked with. Surprise! So, I used that as best I could.

I've asked women out well over 100 times, while out and about, using various methods and I've NEVER gotten a yes. The only things they can base that on is my appearances, how I come across, and what I say in those first crucial minutes. I've improved the last two. But, I can't change how I look. So, I do use my past experiences as an excuse not to ask a women out. I don't do it because it reminds me of all the past failures I had and many were bad, really bad.

Granted I'm older now and I believe looks aren't as important to older women. But, I still have that cringe thought about hearing another no. To be honest, if someone said yes to me now I really don't know what I would do. I don't leave my house unless I absolutely have to. Thinking about going to a restaurant, coffee shop, or anywhere just causes me grief. Besides I've really gotten comfortable being alone.

Honestly, I am just too...simple...to grasp all of this. I'd be willing to bet that if I were to walk up and chat you up, you would not be interested. You have a type? What is it? Blonde, made up, dressed classy or conservative. Its physical that gets your attention. Im just asking what gets your attention?

 

[Finished]

Honestly, I am just too...simple...to grasp all of this. I'd be willing to bet that if I were to walk up and chat you up, you would not be interested. You have a type? What is it? Blonde, made up, dressed classy or conservative. Its physical that gets your attention. Im just asking what gets your attention?

I'm sure I would smile and be friendly just like whenever anybody approaches me. But, if you said, lets go shoot some pool or something I would freeze inside. My face would probably look like I was just in a traffic accident or something. All the past would come pouring to the forefront of my mind.

However, if we happened to be in a mall or somewhere with a Subway shop or something and you said lets grab a sandwhich right here now I would say that sounds great! Then we would eat lunch together and talk. That could possibly lead to something else.

I actually find almost all women pretty. But, I do like skinny/slim women. Woman all have something pretty about them so I see that. I like blonds. But, then I also like dark hair. I think dark skinned and light skinned women are pretty. I am attracted to women with full makeup because it does make them look better. I appreciate the effort it takes to do makeup correctly.

What gets my attention. It varies. Many women get my attention for many different reasons. If a women has really nice hair it gets my attention. If she has a great smile or is funny. If she is dressed professionally. If she is dressed in a bathing suit. It's anything that stands out because most people are average. I am a visual person.

I actually told one women that her purse was amazing. It was. I told one woman her nails looked fantastic. I told this one young 20 year old that her makeup was nearly perfect and talked to her about it for a few minutes. I'm sure it creeped her out. But, it really was nearly perfect. The eye makeup and lip liner was thin, linear, and precise. It wasn't just blotted on. It took her time and it was obvious to me.

 

[Rohini]

I'm sure I would smile and be friendly just like whenever anybody approaches me. But, if you said, lets go shoot some pool or something I would freeze inside. My face would probably look like I was just in a traffic accident or something. All the past would come pouring to the forefront of my mind.

However, if we happened to be in a mall or somewhere with a Subway shop or something and you said lets grab a sandwhich right here now I would say that sounds great! Then we would eat lunch together and talk. That could possibly lead to something else.

I actually find almost all women pretty. But, I do like skinny/slim women. Woman all have something pretty about them so I see that. I like blonds. But, then I also like dark hair. I think dark skinned and light skinned women are pretty. I am attracted to women with full makeup because it does make them look better. I appreciate the effort it takes to do makeup correctly.

What gets my attention. It varies. Many women get my attention for many different reasons. If a women has really nice hair it gets my attention. If she has a great smile or is funny. If she is dressed professionally. If she is dressed in a bathing suit. It's anything that stands out because most people are average. I am a visual person.

I actually told one women that her purse was amazing. It was. I told one woman her nails looked fantastic. I told this one young 20 year old that her makeup was nearly perfect and talked to her about it for a few minutes. I'm sure it creeped her out. But, it really was nearly perfect. The eye makeup and lip liner was thin, linear, and precise. It wasn't just blotted on

I appreciate your appreciation of the creativity / art of makeup. It's refreshing to read such a vibrant remarks. Most men - err a lot don't appreciate the effort to the details.

 

[Claudia1794]

I'm sure I would smile and be friendly just like whenever anybody approaches me. But, if you said, lets go shoot some pool or something I would freeze inside. My face would probably look like I was just in a traffic accident or something. All the past would come pouring to the forefront of my mind.

However, if we happened to be in a mall or somewhere with a Subway shop or something and you said lets grab a sandwhich right here now I would say that sounds great! Then we would eat lunch together and talk. That could possibly lead to something else.

I actually find almost all women pretty. But, I do like skinny/slim women. Woman all have something pretty about them so I see that. I like blonds. But, then I also like dark hair. I think dark skinned and light skinned women are pretty. I am attracted to women with full makeup because it does make them look better. I appreciate the effort it takes to do makeup correctly.

What gets my attention. It varies. Many women get my attention for many different reasons. If a women has really nice hair it gets my attention. If she has a great smile or is funny. If she is dressed professionally. If she is dressed in a bathing suit. It's anything that stands out because most people are average. I am a visual person.

I actually told one women that her purse was amazing. It was. I told one woman her nails looked fantastic. I told this one young 20 year old that her makeup was nearly perfect and talked to her about it for a few minutes. I'm sure it creeped her out. But, it really was nearly perfect. The eye makeup and lip liner was thin, linear, and precise. It wasn't just blotted on. It took her time and it was obvious to me.

So your issue isn't that you aren't trying or being too selective and picky?

 

[Finished]

So your issue isn't that you aren't trying or being too selective and picky?

My issue before was NOT because I was being too selective. I wanted ANYBODY. So, I went to the Phillipines and got a wife because that was the ONLY woman I could get. My friends and co-workers could not even set me up with anybody.

But, now I'm not only not trying I'm also standoffish. Every once in awhile, which didn't happen when I was younger, my eyes will meet with some woman. I smile and she smiles. Then either I or she turns away and that's that. It just happen at the gas station the other day. I wonder, should I say something to her. But, then I think, naaaa, it's not worth it.

But, if a woman was more forceful she could probably persuade me, maybe. A common line that smart older women use is, can you come over and help me with the roof, the pool, the whatever? I highly recommend older women do that especially to younger eager guys. They will be able to get them over to their place and then well, guys are guys.

 

[Claudia1794]

That's actually not far from the truth. I hooked my sister up with this sexy young thing that came over to do some repairs on her house. She was foaming at the mouth. Being that she isn't as forward as me I initiated it all and over the following weeks she was having the time of her life with a 25 year old. Anyway...I stated my opinion about flirty glances. I do think they are missed opportunities.

 

[Claudia1794]

My issue before was NOT because I was being too selective. I wanted ANYBODY. So, I went to the Phillipines and got a wife because that was the ONLY woman I could get. My friends and co-workers could not even set me up with anybody.

But, now I'm not only not trying I'm also standoffish. Every once in awhile, which didn't happen when I was younger, my eyes will meet with some woman. I smile and she smiles. Then either I or she turns away and that's that. It just happen at the gas station the other day. I wonder, should I say something to her. But, then I think, naaaa, it's not worth it.

But, if a woman was more forceful she could probably persuade me, maybe. A common line that smart older women use is, can you come over and help me with the roof, the pool, the whatever? I highly recommend older women do that especially to younger eager guys. They will be able to get them over to their place and then well, guys are guys.

What if you encountered the same woman pretty regularly? Like at a certain grocery store or restaurant or bookstore. If you kept seeing the same woman and there was always a flirty glance or tip of the shoulder or bashful smile, would you then not write if off as not worth it?

 

[Finished]

What if you encountered the same woman pretty regularly? Like at a certain grocery store or restaurant or bookstore. If you kept seeing the same woman and there was always a flirty glance or tip of the shoulder or bashful smile, would you then not write if off as not worth it?

That has never happened to me before. I'm still a guy and I still have all systems working. So, it's hard to say. I would say it's more like a difficulty factor. I'm willing to do more the easier it is for me to do it. If she is near me I would say hello. If she said something then we would probably have a conversation. But, if she just said hi back that would probably be the extent of it. At this point the signals need to be crystal clear for me. I've read them wrong many times in the past so I'm kind of skittish on my interpretation of them. I know it sounds silly or wimpy because it is. But, it's equivalent to burning your hand on the stove several times.

 

[ardour]

People are also messing up "these opportunities" if they don't bother because of whatever excuse they want to make. "women are evil soulless creatures who want nothing to do with 'average' men" "they won't want me" "no one wants a virgin" "I'm too ugly/fat" etc etc etc. The list goes on and on, but if you aren't having interactions because you are too afraid to get rejected or put yourself out there or let go of the negative bullshit that keeps you under your rock, that is also your fault. (Generalized you, not singling anyone out....and you'll also notice, I didn't put genders in aside from one tired excuse.)

Before accusing us of cowardice you might want to consider that fact that the majority of your gender would rather sleep on a bed of nails than initiate. However few women the OP or other guys here have approached it's bound to be more than women the great majority of women.

 

[Claudia1794]

That has never happened to me before. I'm still a guy and I still have all systems working. So, it's hard to say. I would say it's more like a difficulty factor. I'm willing to do more the easier it is for me to do it. If she is near me I would say hello. If she said something then we would probably have a conversation. But, if she just said hi back that would probably be the extent of it. At this point the signals need to be crystal clear for me. I've read them wrong many times in the past so I'm kind of skittish on my interpretation of them. I know it sounds silly or wimpy because it is. But, it's equivalent to burning your hand on the stove several times.

I get that I guess. Its going to sound insane but it just makes me angry because I really want to understand and know what makes anyone feel this way. You are the only one that has taken the time to do that with me and I appreciate it. Going by how you respond and comment on here you seem like a really likeable person. In my opinion that is way more important than money or looks.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That has never happened to me before. I'm still a guy and I still have all systems working. So, it's hard to say. I would say it's more like a difficulty factor. I'm willing to do more the easier it is for me to do it. If she is near me I would say hello. If she said something then we would probably have a conversation. But, if she just said hi back that would probably be the extent of it. At this point the signals need to be crystal clear for me. I've read them wrong many times in the past so I'm kind of skittish on my interpretation of them. I know it sounds silly or wimpy because it is. But, it's equivalent to burning your hand on the stove several times.

I will honest about something... there are not many women in the world who would admit this...but some of us won't say yes, even if we want to because we want to be chased more.. We cant admit this because we also have to push the very important notion that no means no and blah blah. But my dad always used to say to my brother "you think I only asked your mother once!"... She would then take over the conversation and boast about how she was highly desired by many men and made him crawl through hot rocks to date her and how she wasn't "easy". To be honest there is something about the lengths a man will go to, to have you... that has been important throughout history, if we think how much men would have to pay for their bride historically for example. Still till this day, there are tribes that cut, burn, test the strength of a man just for him to be able to even think about selecting a woman.

Maybe it's unfair, or maybe its nature? To reduce us down to primal and primitive... males assert their dominance and conduct the mating dance to impress the female in almost every species known to us... I just dont know... time for more research lolz

 

[Claudia1794]

I will honest about something... there are not many women in the world who would admit this...but some of us won't say yes, even if we want to because we want to be chased more.. We cant admit this because we also have to push the very important notion that no means no and blah blah. But my dad always used to say to my brother "you think I only asked your mother once!"... She would then take over the conversation and boast about how she was highly desired by many men and made him crawl through hot rocks to date her and how she wasn't "easy". To be honest there is something about the lengths a man will go to, to have you... that has been important throughout history, if we think how much men would have to pay for their bride historically for example. Still till this day, there are tribes that cut, burn, test the strength of a man just for him to be able to even think about selecting a woman.

Maybe it's unfair, or maybe its nature? To reduce us down to primal and primitive... males assert their dominance and conduct the mating dance to impress the female in almost every species known to us... I just dont know... time for more research lolz

That's teasing, which can be enjoyable but those are games for children with time to waste. My opinion. If I say no its because I mean no.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's teasing, which can be enjoyable but those are games for children with time to waste. My opinion. If I say no its because I mean no.

I agree Claudia, my aunts in their 40's tell me straight that they have no timeee for games, even my mum now a widow would probably settle for a simple gesture than all the dramatics she demanded in her youth.

 

[ardour]

I will honest about something... there are not many women in the world who would admit this...but some of us won't say yes, even if we want to because we want to be chased more.. We cant admit this because we also have to push the very important notion that no means no and blah blah. But my dad always used to say to my brother "you think I only asked your mother once!"... She would then take over the conversation and boast about how she was highly desired by many men and made him crawl through hot rocks to date her and how she wasn't "easy". To be honest there is something about the lengths a man will go to, to have you... that has been important throughout history, if we think how much men would have to pay for their bride historically for example. Still till this day, there are tribes that cut, burn, test the strength of a man just for him to be able to even think about selecting a woman.

Maybe it's unfair, or maybe its nature? To reduce us down to primal and primitive... males assert their dominance and conduct the mating dance to impress the female in almost every species known to us... I just dont know... time for more research lolz

Blame modern feminism. It wouldn't be so unfair (let's ignore how unfair it is) if pursuing somebody past an initial lack of enthusiasm didn't land a man is serious hot water, the least worst consequence being having his name smeared over some girl's social media.

Even if she wanted to be pursued initially, women change their minds; now she has ammunition to use against him.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Blame modern feminism. It wouldn't be so unfair (let's ignore how unfair it is) if pursuing somebody past an initial lack of enthusiasm didn't land a man is serious hot water, the least worst consequence being having his name smeared over some girl's social media.

Even if she wanted to be pursued initially, women change their minds; now she ammunition to use against him.

pursuing women lands men in hot water? Like idk, never even heard of this. Never seen complaints about this, mainly about how they say no anyway so what's the point.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Blame modern feminism. It wouldn't be so unfair (let's ignore how unfair it is) if pursuing somebody past an initial lack of enthusiasm didn't land a man is serious hot water, the least worst consequence being having his name smeared over some girl's social media.

Even if she wanted to be pursued initially, women change their minds; now she ammunition to use against him.

I slightly agree and slightly disagree...
I think that social media has really only just given us a digital map of it all for us to visually look at for the first time in history, very similarly to the relationship between the stock market and the crypto market.
I DO however, agree that egoic elevation is perhaps not the most tactical thing to do with your life, and it's very easy to get a big head, and get totally detached and lost from reality because of that ego, regardless of gender, rather. Because it does happen to both men and women alike.
Perhaps this is the psychosis in me coming out a bit but, never before in the history of society has it been as easy to hang people with their own hubris. I mean Hell, most of the **** time people get complacent with just wearing it on their sleeve and wielding that clout around like a weapon.
Except, it isn't that at all, actually. The sphere of influence is reliant ENTIRELY on a person's ability to buy into it and the choice of being subjugated to how you let it effect you.
So, if you teach yourself how to emotionally withdraw and retract at will, that tactfully short-circuits that system. Nobody can manipulate the way that you feel, if you don't give them the closeness to let them do so.
And highly egoic, manipulative people, again, regardless of gender, will spend all the time and the days trying to press into being able to get to you that way.
Because since they can almost always get that close to someone, it should all be in a matter of their willpower, right?
Effectively, it keeps them distracted, by dividing their objective by their ego, thus, hanging them with their own noose.

 

[user 135671]

pursuing women lands men in hot water? Like idk, never even heard of this. Never seen complaints about this, mainly about how they say no anyway so what's the point.

You just reminded me of something, way back when people still brought hard copies of music and movies I worked at Virgin Megastores.
There was a hairdressers opposite and a really cute girl that worked there. Every morning when I saw her I'd say morning and give her a wink.

One morning one of my colleagues decided he'd do the same, the girl came into our store at lunchtime and complained to our manager that my colleague was sexually harassing her.