Questions for the Men

[NoxApex(N/A)]

You are not comfortable being someones first? I feel like thats interesting, as a woman the idea of meeting a male virgin terrified me, not sure why though...I just feel like theres something scary about it

My life, certain parts of it that I can't talk about on a public forum, doesn't exactly fit the mold of that situation. In short, I lived a double life for about 8 years and was involved in some things I'd rather not talk about publicly and that's why I don't really date, but to be somebodies first under that false pretense isn't something I could do. I don't have that deep craving desire for touch the way that most people do, not to the point that it's worth me lying about my life for just to get. When you're prone to psychosis, your credibility is questionable as it is, that's bad enough, let alone some of the experiences I've had in life. It's the idea that they won't be able to forget me, that puts me off about it. I'm not in the habit of letting people get close to me in the first place, so usually if that happens it's almost entirely by accident. I can't be with someone and not talk about it because it's an intricate part of what makes me, well, me. But also that's not something I want to permanently scar someone with by them not being able to forget that those things exist in the world. I don't like hurting people, I'm very good at it if I have to in the event that I get backed into a corner and can't avoid confrontation, but I'm a pacifist by practice otherwise.

 

[user 148069]

brown eyes- check
natural black hair -check

I'm glad I'm in the category of "unremarkable" and "boring". Does wonders for my self esteem really. Thank you!

 

[ardour]

Now, what I keep saying is that for some people it's not a matter of just relaxing their opinions of what is attractive to them. It's ingrained in their brain AS IF it was like someone gay. NOT exactly like but similar. They simply just can't be attracted to someone that they are not no matter how much they grow to like the other person.

Precisely. Opinion/belief is different from an ingrained preference derived from the subconscious.

 

[ardour]

You are not comfortable being someones first? I feel like thats interesting, as a woman the idea of meeting a male virgin terrified me, not sure why though...I just feel like theres something scary about it

That's easy. Society stereotypes older male virgins as losers, psychopaths, dangerous loners, etc. If you haven't been 'endorsed' by women by a certain age then take your pick of which epitaph. You're scared of men other women don't want.

 

[Adamridge79]

I remember my 20s, and that whole unexplainable jealousy/insecurities of what poorly raised males were meant to think of women. Looking back, I can't believe the insecurities I had. I don't need to know numbers, I never should have. But I'm way too old to be anyones first, at least when it comes to the physical realm. But, to be someones first in the important areas would be nice, since we would at least be on the same page.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

brown eyes- check
natural black hair -check

I'm glad I'm in the category of "unremarkable" and "boring". Does wonders for my self esteem really. Thank you!

Yikes, I was more ... talking about myself orange cat, sure it looks good on youuuu

 

[CenotaphGirl]

That's easy. Society stereotypes older male virgins as losers, psychopaths, dangerous loners, etc. If you haven't been 'endorsed' by women by a certain age then take your pick of which epitaph. You're scared of men other women don't want.

idk, I dont know if it's such strong feelings like that, I just feel like... isn't a man supposed to... idk.. "get it out of system".. before he settles down? Something more along them lines than I think he's a psychopath.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Why, would you think its .... better to know less, would you feel jealous?

Not so much that as it is...in the least offensive way possible, I just think it's kinda gross to think about.

And for what it's worth I'd understand the reverse too, if a woman also found it gross to sleep with a guy who'd slept around a lot.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Not so much that as it is...in the least offensive way possible, I just think it's kinda gross to think about.

And for what it's worth I'd understand the reverse too, if a woman found a guy who'd slept around a lot, to also be gross.

Well im not offended but someone might be lol I think what you think is simply what you think, it's interesting though, so really it matters to you so you'd rather not know?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Well im not offended but someone might be lol I think what you think is simply what you think, it's interesting though, so really it matters to you so you'd rather not know?

Yep. The health stuff is a must-know so that I can make an informed choice. But anything beyond that, I'd rather not.

I'm not saying I expect a partner count of zero, or would blame someone if their count was not zero. It's not realistic.
I'm just saying I'd rather not think about it, is all.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yep. The health stuff is a must-know so that I can make an informed choice. But anything beyond that, I'd rather not.

I'm not saying I expect a partner count of zero, or would blame someone if their count was not zero. It's not realistic. I'm just saying I'd rather not think about it, is all.

Hmm I think thats fair enough, but would you be upset if she wanted and open convo about both your past relation? I think thats usually a common discussion

 

[TheSkaFish]

Hmm I think thats fair enough, but would you be upset if she wanted and open convo about both your past relation? I think thats usually a common discussion

Not really. I wouldn't refuse to have the discussion, I just wouldn't initiate it myself. If it comes up, it comes up.
Mine is pretty straightforward since I've never been with anyone, and never shot up drugs or anything like that either, so at least she will have peace of mind that there's nothing to worry about with history on my end.

 

[TheRealCallie]

brown eyes- check
natural black hair -check

I'm glad I'm in the category of "unremarkable" and "boring". Does wonders for my self esteem really. Thank you!

Meh, that's just one opinion. I love black hair and with the eyes, it's more about the person behind those eyes than the actual color of the eyes. All colors are beautiful. I personally don't like the fake ****...like outrageous contacts that don't even look real.

 

[user 135671]

brown eyes- check
natural black hair -check

I'm glad I'm in the category of "unremarkable" and "boring". Does wonders for my self esteem really. Thank you!

All the best people have black hair and brown eyes, I'm currently cultivating grey temples to mix it up

 

[CenotaphGirl]

All the best people have black hair and brown eyes, I'm currently cultivating grey temples to mix it up

Do you ever wanna dye it?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Meh, that's just one opinion. I love black hair and with the eyes, it's more about the person behind those eyes than the actual color of the eyes. All colors are beautiful. I personally don't like the fake ****...like outrageous contacts that don't even look real.

You...... deffo wouldn't like me I do spend a lot on my contacts though lolz so they deffo look real but... they have caused so much eye damage over the years.

 

[user 135671]

Do you ever wanna dye it?

Nah, I tried when I was a kid but because it was so black they had to bleach it loads before it took any dye which just destroyed it.

I used to wear blue contacts on stage and they wrecked my eyes too, mostly because after a gig I'd usually get drunk and fall asleep wearing them.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Nah, I tried when I was a kid but because it was so black they had to bleach it loads before it took any dye which just destroyed it.

I used to wear blue contacts on stage and they wrecked my eyes too, mostly because after a gig I'd usually get drunk and fall asleep wearing them.

omg sameeee I always slept in my contacts, mainly because I was too embarrassed to take them off, felt like taking off a wig.

 

[Finished]

omg sameeee I always slept in my contacts, mainly because I was too embarrassed to take them off, felt like taking off a wig.

You two got me concerned about contact lenses. So, I looked up how they can harm your eyes:

https://www.rebuildyourvision.com/blog/glasses-contacts/the-effects-contacts-have-on-your-eyes/

But, apparently, "While most of these changes are reversible if you discontinue the use of contacts, the conditions can always return."

My vision is well, I'm over the age of 50. I had thought about wearing contacts because they don't fall off or have all this issues that glasses do. I knew that contacts required maintenance. But, I didn't know they can cause harm to one's eyes. Thanks for the insight. Pun intended.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hmm another question is... guys... why do you think that some men get so aggressive, mean and threatening... after you respectfully decline their advances?