Questions for the Men

[Finished]

Hmm another question is... guys... why do you think that some men get so aggressive, mean and threatening... after you respectfully decline their advances?

Easy. Rejection hurts.

 

[user 135671]

Hmm another question is... guys... why do you think that some men get so aggressive, mean and threatening... after you respectfully decline their advances?

Because they're arseholes Princess

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Easy. Rejection hurts.

Rejection hurts everyone though, but most people take it in stride... dont they?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Because they're arseholes Princess

Do you think sometimes its because they think women shouldn't be allowed to say no?

 

[user 135671]

Quite possibly, people are just wired differently innit. I've politely declined advances from girls and they've decided it's because I'm gay.

 

[Finished]

Rejection hurts everyone though, but most people take it in stride... dont they?

Some rejections, some acceptances, blaaaa no big deal. It's just a numbers game right?

After one gets say 100 rejections and zero acceptances it really doesn't feel good. It's like, oh, I'm not good enough for you? I have...... I can do..... , good job, money, house, etc, etc, etc. But, I'm not good enough to just go out on a date that I pay for?

Also some guys think they are super awesome, and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that they prejudge the other person as being less then themselves. So, it's like really? YOU are turning ME down?

I used to get mad. But, I didn't show it. I just said, okay not a big deal. I thought I'm descent. Why not just give me a try? Damn! Am I really that disgusting to you?

After I thought about it for a long time I decided to look inwards at myself. I must be the problem. It hit me like a brick wall. I felt really bad, worthless, and my self esteem dropped.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Quite possibly, people are just wired differently innit. I've politely declined advances from girls and they've decided it's because I'm gay.

Sounds like something my mum would say lol I mean sometimes I pretend im a lesbian just to get aggressive guys to stop Bloody nightmare.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Some rejections, some acceptances, blaaaa no big deal. It's just a numbers game right?

After one gets say 100 rejections and zero acceptances it really doesn't feel good. It's like, oh, I'm not good enough for you? I have...... I can do..... , good job, money, house, etc, etc, etc. But, I'm not good enough to just go out on a date that I pay for?

Also some guys think they are super awesome, and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that they prejudge the other person as being less then themselves. So, it's like really? YOU are turning ME down?

I used to get mad. But, I didn't show it. I just said, okay not a big deal. I thought I'm descent. Why not just give me a try? Damn! Am I really that disgusting to you?

After I thought about it for a long time I decided to look inwards at myself. I must be the problem. It hit me like a brick wall. I felt really bad, worthless, and my self esteem dropped.

Hmm... don't get me wrong, I honestly know it's not nice to be rejected. However, it feels like im being punished for something all these other girls have done, no matter how nice or kind I try to be about it, it's just met with... aggression, that cant be fair...

OMG OMG YESSSS!! you are the first to say it! But I noticed, with my slightly overweight friends, men thought that because they are overweight the cannot say no to them, they cannot afford to be too picky... it was like they would get the worst backlash sometimes...

I think it's awful though, that the only thing that can make a man feel better in the situation is a yes... nothing else will do, you know?

 

[MrLonely86]

Hmm another question is... guys... why do you think that some men get so aggressive, mean and threatening... after you respectfully decline their advances?

Rejection hurts. That is why I never tell anyone my feelings, even if I have 175% chances to get girl.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Rejection hurts. That is why I never tell anyone my feelings, even if I have 175% chances to get girl.

It really hurts that much? It's not something you can just take in your stride? And because it hurts, thats why they wanna hurt me?

 

[Finished]

Hmm... don't get me wrong, I honestly know it's not nice to be rejected. However, it feels like im being punished for something all these other girls have done, no matter how nice or kind I try to be about it, it's just met with... aggression, that cant be fair...

OMG OMG YESSSS!! you are the first to say it! But I noticed, with my slightly overweight friends, men thought that because they are overweight the cannot say no to them, they cannot afford to be too picky... it was like they would get the worst backlash sometimes...

I think it's awful though, that the only thing that can make a man feel better in the situation is a yes... nothing else will do, you know?

I'm sorry for you turning me down for a date. Ha! ha!

It all just sucks. I stopped asking women out. That was my solution.

Then, instead what I would say is that, I'm going to lunch you can come with if you want to? Or, I'm going to go shot pool at ............... If you feel like it or you are bored you can meet me there. If not that's fine too. It doesn't matter.

BTW, I previously planned these things for myself. So, if someone showed up cool. If not that was fine as well. I had zero expectations.

Once in awhile I could get someone to go to lunch. But, it was mostly a friend thing. So, I eventually gave that up too. I haven't asked or hinted about going out with someone in way more then a decade. Someone asked out my last girlfriend for me because I didn't want to be rejected again. Pathetic. But it worked.

 

[Finished]

It really hurts that much? It's not something you can just take in your stride? And because it hurts, thats why they wanna hurt me?

I don't. I don't think others do either. It's a frustration thing and you happen to be there saying no. But, I never showed my feelings. I wanted to be cool and always just played it off.

So, the guys that you think are just cool with it, may very well not be.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm sorry for you turning me down for a date. Ha! ha!

It all just sucks. I stopped asking women out. That was my solution.

Then, instead what I would say is that, I'm going to lunch you can come with if you want to? Or, I'm going to go shot pool at ............... If you feel like it or you are bored you can meet me there. If not that's fine too. It doesn't matter.

BTW, I previously planned these things for myself. So, if someone showed up cool. If not that was fine as well. I had zero expectations.

Once in awhile I could get someone to go to lunch. But, it was mostly a friend thing. So, I eventually gave that up too. I haven't asked or hinted about going out with someone in way more then a decade. Someone asked out my last girlfriend for me because I didn't want to be rejected again. Pathetic. But it worked.

Yeah you know, some guys would even get pissed that I treated them like a friend when they never even hinted about anything more lol I was like wait what? When did you make your move I musta missed it lol plus im super dumb so everything has to be spelled out for me to think im being asked out lol.

Awh thats sad, I cant believe your confidence got knocked so much, maybe guys put way too much pressure on themselves.

I don't. I don't think others do either. It's a frustration thing and you happen to be there saying no. But, I never showed my feelings. I wanted to be cool and always just played it off.

So, the guys that you think are just cool with it, may very well not be.

I find this so interesting, sometimes I think there is a need on classes that teach people how to deal with rejection in a healthy way... instead of internalising it, so it won't become a state of aggression.

I think women usually do flip the script, he's gay or he's pathetic, or he's too shy or he's too something, where as some men are like.. im too this or im too that at first, then it becomes all women are evil...?

 

[Finished]

I find this so interesting, sometimes I think there is a need on classes that teach people how to deal with rejection in a healthy way... instead of internalising it, so it won't become a state of aggression.

Well, if I had maybe a 5% acceptance rate then I would be satisfied. But, I'm really close to zero and I've asked maybe 1,000 times.

As a kid you learn if you stick your hand in the fire and get burned you don't do it again. It's kind of like knowing that you are going to get burned again. But, you have to do it again anyway. There's no alternative.

A class sounds interesting. But you would need one for the ugly kids, both sexes together. One for the hot guys. And one for the hot girls. All the average boys and girls could just go back to gym class. Ha! ha!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, if I had maybe a 5% acceptance rate then I would be satisfied. But, I'm really close to zero and I've asked maybe 1,000 times.

As a kid you learn if you stick your hand in the fire and get burned you don't do it again. It's kind of like knowing that you are going to get burned again. But, you have to do it again anyway. There's no alternative.

A class sounds interesting. But you would need one for the ugly kids, both sexes together. One for the hot guys. And one for the hot girls. All the average boys and girls could just go back to gym class. Ha! ha!

Hmm this is interesting, why would the classes need to be separated like that?

 

[Finished]

Well, the ugly kids need to realize they are going to receive no most of the time and nearly never be asked out. But, all the other kids will receive yes a fair amount of the time. That's just how it is. Then teach them to deal with that. They also teach them if you are lucky enough to land someone and they are nice to never let them go.

The hot guys need to be knocked down a few pegs. They already know they can get most of what they want. So, they need to be taught not to brag and be cocky about it. They also need to be taught that women are not toys to be played with and discarded for the next one.

The hot girls need to know that although they can pretty much date anybody that they want to they are going to get slammed with guys constantly asking them out, making remarks about them, and other girls being mean to them out of jealosy. These girls will have to learn ways that currently don't exist to let guys down without hurting their feelings or getting them upset. Then they will have to create tough skins to ignore all the remarks that both guys and girls make against them.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, the ugly kids need to realize they are going to receive no most of the time and nearly never be asked out. But, all the other kids will receive yes a fair amount of the time. That's just how it is. Then teach them to deal with that. They also teach them if you are lucky enough to land someone and they are nice to never let them go.

The hot guys need to be knocked down a few pegs. They already know they can get most of what they want. So, they need to be taught not to brag and be cocky about it. They also need to be taught that women are not toys to be played with and discarded for the next one.

The hot girls need to know that although they can pretty much date anybody that they want to they are going to get slammed with guys constantly asking them out, making remarks about them, and other girls being mean to them out of jealosy. These girls will have to learn ways that currently don't exist to let guys down without hurting their feelings or getting them upset. Then they will have to create tough skins to ignore all the remarks that both guys and girls make against them.

I just dont believe it's "ugly" people who get rejected though. Kinda proven actually, so many guys will say they know decent looking guys who still get rejected. I think making it clear that it has no reflection on how they look or who they are as a person is more important. If I say no to a guy 9/10 times it's not because I think he is ugly, that thought barely crosses my mind to be honest mainly because "ugly men" don't even approach me. They assume I'd say no.. I usually say no because I simply do not want to be approached and bothered, stalked or harmed, I just wanna buy some milk and leave or have a dance with my girls.

Honestly I think almost every girl gets asked out hot or not,I have never met a girl who hasn't had to kindly reject some poor chap. I wishhhh they could find a way to let a guy down without hurting his feelings... I'd pay money for that lol I think instead of tough skins, we need people to respect the word "no". Cant be I have to be all polite and try not to hurt their feelings for saying no, but they get to say what they want to me, thats unfair.

 

[Finished]

Well, everybody, I think, gets rejected. It's all about the percentages.

What you don't want some saugage to go with that milk? Ha! Ha!

No, every girl does not get asked out. I've gotten to know a few that had never been asked out. It's not just guys.

Well, in a perfect world everybody would be respectful to each other. That should come first. Nobody has ever asked me out. I don't know how I would handle that especially now. I'm trying to think of the best way to say no to someone. But, there are so many scenarios. I don't have a good answer.

I remember one time I walked up to the bar where a couple women were sitting. I ordered a drink and looked over at one of them. She said don't even think about talking to me. You have nothing I want. I would have to say that's not a good way to do it. Ha! ha!

I think it is just the way it is. The dating system works well enough for the average person. Like most things though, the outliers have problems. Well, except, the good looking male has got it made.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Hmm another question is... guys... why do you think that some men get so aggressive, mean and threatening... after you respectfully decline their advances?

Like others have said, rejection hurts, especially when you've had a lot of it, and/or when you haven't had much or any success.

It's like they're saying you're not good enough for them. Like they're telling you that you suck, that you're a loser, that you're inferior. And it seems to confirm those things to yourself.

It seems like you're being blamed for the way you were born, for how you didn't choose to be - after all if we could all choose, we'd all be athletes and rock stars and supermodels and astronauts. Nobody would choose to be born not good enough.

And it can feel like they think they're superior to you - which can really hurt if you feel like they acted like they liked you as a person. It's like you thought you finally met someone who saw something in you, and that things were finally going to be different - but in the end, it's just the same old ****.

Then there's of course, the guys that think they're the universe's gift to women, and that all women should say "yes" to them all the time. But in my experience, those aren't the guys that get rejected.

Anyway, I'm not saying that guys should act this way. Only why I think they do. And I do think it's why it helps to understand yourself as early as you can, so you know what kind of person to go for. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment by going for people that don't really have anything to do with who you are and what's important to you, just because you think they are "hot" - it's like what I was saying before. And even if you got what you wanted in that case, it would probably get old fast when you can't connect in any meaningful way, and find that you don't really feel anything deeper for the other person beyond lust.

I also think it's why people should be honest with each other and not toy with each other's hopes and emotions. It's one thing if a woman is just being friendly and is misinterpreted as flirty. But it's another if she's being intentionally flirty with someone, but isn't sincere. That can be hurtful to get someone's hopes up for nothing, and make them feel like there's something when there's nothing.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, everybody, I think, gets rejected. It's all about the percentages.

What you don't want some saugage to go with that milk? Ha! Ha!

No, every girl does not get asked out. I've gotten to know a few that had never been asked out. It's not just guys.

Well, in a perfect world everybody would be respectful to each other. That should come first. Nobody has ever asked me out. I don't know how I would handle that especially now. I'm trying to think of the best way to say no to someone. But, there are so many scenarios. I don't have a good answer.

I remember one time I walked up to the bar where a couple women were sitting. I ordered a drink and looked over at one of them. She said don't even think about talking to me. You have nothing I want. I would have to say that's not a good way to do it. Ha! ha!

I think it is just the way it is. The dating system works well enough for the average person. Like most things though, the outliers have problems. Well, except, the good looking male has got it made.

Is it really though? I know guys who do well with women who still cant handle rejection, my brother is one of them lol I asked him this question and he said "I hate rejection, makes you feel like crap" lol.
The problem they have is that you're saying "no" they dont care how nice you are saying it lol.

Like others have said, rejection hurts, especially when you've had a lot of it, and/or when you haven't had much or any success.

But it's like... because rejection hurts, they wanna physically hurt me? Thats the link I don't get.. feels like they're blaming a woman on the actions of many different and unrelated women... it's like an unfair accumulation perhaps?