What's a painful truth you've had to swallow?

[isthatso]

I'm a loser.

Then you need to be compassionate to other losers.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I knew growing up feeling not as good as most people around here affected me, but it may have affected me more deeply than I originally thought.

 

[BeyondShy]

I'm a loser.

I don't know who in the hell you are but I don't believe that.

Hmmm, painful truth? I don't forget a slight.

 

[okidoke]

I don't know who in the hell you are but I don't believe that.

Sadly, you not believing it doesn't improve the things for me

 

[BeyondShy]

Sadly, you not believing it doesn't improve the things for me

I am only here for two damn weeks. Thank you.

 

[BeyondShy]

Odd, I didn't swear. Honest.

 

[timeAlone]

That I was born toxic.

But it's the process of dealing with that toxicity that's painful rather than the realisation itself.

 

[okidoke]

That I was born toxic.

But it's the process of dealing with that toxicity that's painful rather than the realisation itself.

are you able to elaborate?

 

[timeAlone]

are you able to elaborate?

Not really.

But I'm in a much better place than I once was and will continue to chip away at what needs to be chipped away until the job is done.

 

[homelessincheshire]

For me it's accepting that I'll never meet people's expectations no matter what I do. I've spent a lot of time and energy fighting this thought, but I'm at a point where I can't fight it anymore. There are so many expectations in society that I wanted to live up too, but can't.

I grew up the same, you might not agree or feel this to be fitting to yourself, is that most of the people that cannot meet other peoples expectations is fundamentally because the expectation is simply coming from someone else, it is an expectation, a judgement of their own standard projected onto you, not your own based upon your own knowledge, ability or more importantly, your freewill and choice to meet it at their level, the expectation is all theirs. What we agree to do or expect from ourselves is often determined by own our freewill and choice and likewise is determined on weighing up our ability in more honest ways. That is how I see it anyway. I simply care not for others who judge me on their own understanding of my ability, but more importantly wish to overcome my freedom of choice, much like why I will never have an "employer" ever again, their expectations for me is raised on their manipulation and fear of losing my job, an expectation that is flawed automatically once competition is taken into account, or simply put, eventually you will care less and less about expectations, focusing more on wise decisions and wise choices that you can achieve by "knowing thy self". People can nominate me to task, but I can decline and say "no" and state my reasons.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

That it is unlikely I will ever attain wise, comedic genius; an example of which follows...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm interested in people, getting to know them and talking to them.

But I don't know enough knowledge, don't think about enough topics, don't come up with enough of my own thoughts and ideas, and don't do enough things, to keep people interested in me.

 

[TheSkaFish]

That I didn't really have a lot of guidance in my life besides "stay in school, stay out of trouble, go to college, get a job".

It's like, when that doesn't work, when it isn't enough to have enough of a life and be enough of a complete person to get anyone interested in me, then what? No one knows.

Getting good grades (to do all that other stuff) was seen as the only thing that mattered. Not that I was punished or yelled at for going outside of that. It just wasn't emphasized as important, so I didn't bother. It was seen as an extra, not the essential that it really is.

Because I didn't know about or work on all that other stuff that was actually important and essential this whole time, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I feel like I have to re-invent the wheel, whereas other people get a head start on previous generations' knowledge. This is why I feel like I have to think through all these dating concepts myself, as if I'm having to be the first one to make this discovery, instead of just knowing it like other people do. It's so frustrating. I wish I didn't have to think through every step of this, but could just take the knowledge for granted and just start enjoying my d*mn life before it's over.

 

[okidoke]

That I didn't really have a lot of guidance in my life besides "stay in school, stay out of trouble, go to college, get a job".

It's like, when that doesn't work, when it isn't enough to have enough of a life and be enough of a complete person to get anyone interested in me, then what? No one knows.

Getting good grades (to do all that other stuff) was seen as the only thing that mattered. Not that I was punished or yelled at for going outside of that. It just wasn't emphasized as important, so I didn't bother. It was seen as an extra, not the essential that it really is.

Because I didn't know about or work on all that other stuff that was actually important and essential this whole time, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I feel like I have to re-invent the wheel, whereas other people get a head start on previous generations' knowledge. This is why I feel like I have to think through all these dating concepts myself, as if I'm having to be the first one to make this discovery, instead of just knowing it like other people do. It's so frustrating. I wish I didn't have to think through every step of this, but could just take the knowledge for granted and just start enjoying my d*mn life before it's over.

Ska, you really tire me out. Not the length of your posts, the content of them. I’ve not read anyone else on here that creates as many hurdles for themselves as you. Your assumptions that everyone else seems to just know how to “life” Is ridiculous. If you used the same amount of energy and talent you use to compile your expressive posts to get somewhere in your daily life, I think you’d be onto something positive. Dude, I really think you’ve got it in you, you just have to refocus your energy. Do a “summer of George” and do the opposite of what you’d normally do every day. 2024 could be so different for you if you let it.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

That I didn't really have a lot of guidance in my life besides "stay in school, stay out of trouble, go to college, get a job".

It's like, when that doesn't work, when it isn't enough to have enough of a life and be enough of a complete person to get anyone interested in me, then what? No one knows.

Getting good grades (to do all that other stuff) was seen as the only thing that mattered. Not that I was punished or yelled at for going outside of that. It just wasn't emphasized as important, so I didn't bother. It was seen as an extra, not the essential that it really is.

Because I didn't know about or work on all that other stuff that was actually important and essential this whole time, I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. I feel like I have to re-invent the wheel, whereas other people get a head start on previous generations' knowledge. This is why I feel like I have to think through all these dating concepts myself, as if I'm having to be the first one to make this discovery, instead of just knowing it like other people do. It's so frustrating. I wish I didn't have to think through every step of this, but could just take the knowledge for granted and just start enjoying my d*mn life before it's over.

Man who sleeps on floor, doesn't fall out of bed. I've worked the minimum wage circuit alongside people in their 50's who lost good jobs, and people younger, in their early twenties, struggling to pay off college debt for careers that never happened.

There are miserable millionaires, and homeless people who are happy to live free from the constraints of society.

Most people fall upon the average, and the average is: people generally hate what they do, but do it, because they have to, and can.

Library books are free. And the internet usually has you covered for anything that doesn't require hands-on experience. You got legal-zoom to start your business if you want to start limited liability company.

Can only move forward. You can look back, now and then, and say, 'I wish,' or, 'what if,' but, you can't walk forwards while looking backwards, without bumping into things and tripping over yourself.

Love is 49% luck/circumstance 49% timing and 2% having things tied together; and there is several ways to look at that. Optimally the best of the worst case scenario is about 2% is in your control. Optimally the best of the best case scenario is about 51% in your control. Cars, houses, objects, fortune, fame, and status, can all disappear in the blink of an eye. So can one's health.

Wiggle your toes, wiggle your fingers, and if you've got all of em, smile. Optimally, best to make best with what you've got (can't make much out of what you don't have anyway, so, wasted energy frettin' about it.)

disclosure: I do not have my sh*t together. And smiling is tough. I try to keep my head up though (even if it's upside down). And I fall often, and will continue to.

Your Tropical Movie Recommendation: Gattaca

 

[Unsigned]

That I didn't really have a lot of guidance in my life besides "stay in school, stay out of trouble, go to college, get a job".

Same here. I had to scramble around without any guidance.
Didn't end up so well.
Could have been worse, but still, not so good.
I think joining the military for a few years either before or after college would have done me a world of good.
I think, anyway.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Same here. I had to scramble around without any guidance.
Didn't end up so well.
Could have been worse, but still, not so good.
I think joining the military for a few years either before or after college would have done me a world of good.
I think, anyway.

I shouldn't seem like I blame my background so much. It was nice. I guess I should have been more observant. I guess the guidance was there, maybe. I just refused it. For a long time, probably K through parts of high school, even parts of freshman year of college, anything that was considered "cool", I actively refused, because I associated it with people I didn't like. Now I see that, while it wasn't entirely wrong, it wasn't entirely right either. I was kind of uptight. I'm kind of a late-comer to, wanting to be cooler, I guess.

I think with the military, you have to know what you're getting into, so you can mentally prepare.
Otherwise, it could break you.

It might have been the answer, it might not have been. Some people do well there.
I don't mean to come off as completely anti-military. I just don't think it is the answer for me.

I'm zero percent tough guy. I know that about myself. I'm a soft person, for better or worse, from a soft environment. I always suspected everyone around here who tried to act tough, of posing - I was like, "you live in suburbia, what do you have to be tough about?" That's why I could never really do it myself, because it seemed phony to me, and it seemed like we were supposed to have other answers here, like that was the whole point - like our ancestors lived hard lives, so that us in the future could live soft modern lives.

I probably should have just leaned all the way into the college thing, instead of doing it reluctantly just because I had to - it's where everyone always said I was going, and where I belonged.
However, I needed to get something else going for me, to avoid being just some nondescript guy.
That's the part I'm working on figuring out.

 

[Unsigned]

think with the military, you have to know what you're getting into, so you can mentally prepare.

Yeah I agree there.
When I went to college "open house" (the college I eventually attended - as a commuter 20 mins from my house), my parents ushered me to the Army ROTC officer (presumably because we would have gotten financial aid). But they did this without ever preparing me for it. So I was very much taken aback. My father should have been preparing for it for years in advance if he wanted me to go that route.

Anyways, in my case, I think it would have been good had I done it. But yeah, who knows?

 

[birchwood]

Ska, you really tire me out. Not the length of your posts, the content of them. I’ve not read anyone else on here that creates as many hurdles for themselves as you. Your assumptions that everyone else seems to just know how to “life” Is ridiculous. If you used the same amount of energy and talent you use to compile your expressive posts to get somewhere in your daily life, I think you’d be onto something positive. Dude, I really think you’ve got it in you, you just have to refocus your energy. Do a “summer of George” and do the opposite of what you’d normally do every day. 2024 could be so different for you if you let it.

I'm afraid I agree.

@TheSkaFish , you do seem to prefer to complain on how bad your situation is instead of doing anything to improve it. It's like constant reading how the whole world is against you. You're not a victim but you advertise yourself as one.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm afraid I agree.

@TheSkaFish , you do seem to prefer to complain on how bad your situation is instead of doing anything to improve it. It's like constant reading how the whole world is against you. You're not a victim but you advertise yourself as one.

I don't know. I think that's an aggressive statement.

No, I'm not from a war-torn country, or even a bad neighborhood.
And I wasn't abused as a kid, or anything like that either.
(I would say my background is dysfunctional, though - something that never made things easier, that's become worse over time, and that I've become more aware of the older I get.)
But are you saying that only people in those kinds of situations have any right to complain?
That everyone else should just slap a smile on their face and pretend everything is fine?

I think the world is not set up for everyone, and some people, including me, are less compatible with the world due to not having the natural physical and mental traits, aptitudes, interests, and personalities most favored by the world, and therefore don't have as easy of a time as others do. When you're not the kind of person the world was set up for, yeah, it makes things somewhat more difficult. The answers aren't straightforward. It's not as simple as just doing the correct thing, because if you're not the right kind of person, you can't. It makes it so that to fit into this world, you have to force yourself to be something you're really not, which probably won't even work that well because it's not natural to you.

I mean, yeah, I really have felt like the world has been more against me, than for me.
I've felt like I've felt more resistance, than the world trying to help me get anywhere.
I've felt more like a misfit, than a fit, and not in the sense of being a misunderstood genius or something, but more in the sense of not being born with the right stuff to be good enough for getting anywhere in this world.
And I really have felt like there isn't much I can do to improve my situation, although I do hope I'm wrong.
Otherwise I would already be doing it naturally, just as the way I am by default.

You might say I need to have more "grit". But I've always felt like that implies, that while you might not have been born to comfort, you were born with some strength that you can use to power through. I feel like I was born with neither.

I don't know if I could truly call myself a "victim" but things have certainly not been natural or easy for me either.