African_weasel
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- Jun 25, 2013
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Grackle said:Yes, there is that. I have experienced many situations where my heart literally hurt because of my loneliness but when I mingled with people, couples, I had a inner voice admitting what I saw was most unpleasant. A feeling that maybe I'm better off single, lucky to avoid such conflicts in my life. I sometimes wonder if its not loneliness at all, that its another affliction altogether and I just 'think' I'm lonely. idk, so complicated.
Grackle said:Sensitive ? Pretty sure you're right.
I do stop, eventually. I added the last paragraph to show that I have gone through a tremendous amount of negativity in my life so I know how destructive it can be.
Anahita said:So why not dress up just a bit more, so that you can give men a bit more of clue about how desirable you are? they said.
And I thought about it and it seemed fair enough. And I think it goes for men as well as for women, too.
Anyway that's what I think.
Grackle said:I'm having a hard time understanding all this weasel and flying monkey business. Is it an inside joke ?
jaguarundi said:In relation to empathy (which you have said you lacked) it seems that some even believe that those having these issue might in fact be more sensitive and empathic than ordinary people, not less.
jaguarundi said:Specific to you personally little flying mouse, I would say that your thinking of possible finding an SO must mean that you have emotional responses (or why bother), and the fact that you are careful to avoid negativity on this thread so you won't upset me shows either that you do have empathy, or that you are scared shitless of me. Neither of which shows lack of emotion, in my book.
SofiasMami said:Great tips, Jag. Is now a good time to disclose I have a degree in psychology? I'm a big believer in cognitive-behavioral methods of change!
That and rabid weasels of course
-Teresa
jaguarundi said:One of the things that a negative outlook can do is diminish good memories. I am assuming here that somewhere, sometime you all have had an encounter with the opposite sex that was at least OK, and maybe even good. Yet I suspect you end up convincing yourself that the good ones weren't all that good. Then you focus on the bad ones.
I am guessing that you are most likely talking yourself out of your good encounters being ok (Well he was only talking to me because he had to, she didn't really mean it - whatever).
jaguarundi said:Do as you would be done by
I have to ask myself how many people refusing to change one iota, and demanding to be loved for who they are, WOULD NOT extend the same courtesy to a member of the opposite sex. Perhaps not even to someone they just met, instead demanding a level of perfection quite beyond most real people. If you put 'I want you to love me for who I am on the front of the T-shirt make very sure that you don't have 'but I won't give a honeysuckle about who you really are' written on the back of it.
ardour said:jaguarundi said:One of the things that a negative outlook can do is diminish good memories. I am assuming here that somewhere, sometime you all have had an encounter with the opposite sex that was at least OK, and maybe even good. Yet I suspect you end up convincing yourself that the good ones weren't all that good. Then you focus on the bad ones.
I am guessing that you are most likely talking yourself out of your good encounters being ok (Well he was only talking to me because he had to, she didn't really mean it - whatever).
There's definitely a memory bias that dwells on past experiences that were awkward or unwelcome, and as you say here, it has a lot do with dismissing those that weren't. My thought process is often like: if someone's friendly then it's only because they're that way to everyone and nothing to do with me.
YES YES YES - And most of time it's true !
We get so little attention from women that when a friendly, smiling woman comes along we think (falsely) that they are interested in us !
Took me years to realize this !
As destructive, stupid as the negativity is ... it's also comforting to fall back on cynicism and false indignation. And easier to pretend that there are no second chances with people, because, should there be another chance, there's the fear that you'll either stuff it up again, or even if manage not to things will never be quite right.
ardour said:Gotta say some good advice there, although the negative voice in my head is my own, and it's often not a voice at all but the imagined outcome or reaction of the other.
We're more likely the be the sort of people who internalize and underscore every humiliating thing said of us. Maybe it's just a matter of toughening up and not taking things so personally.
jaguarundi said:~~The person who is angry, bitter, blames everyone and everything else for the way that they are, never moves on, whines constantly, sees the worst in everything and everyone, and will undoubtedly try to blame the other person if things go wrong (because it's never ever them). A victim.
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